tears

don't worry.. i'm not crying.. well, not yet anyway..

relationships are what make my cry the most. not bf/gf type of thing, but relationships in general. no matter if it be a relationship with my siblings, my parents, my friends, or God, i'll cry my heart out given the circumstances.

there's no specific relationship to cry about. although my relationships with people [most especially the one i have with God] could be better, i'd say my relationships with everyone is pretty decent.. so what to cry about? every relationship i have.

sure they're decent, but time consuming. its hard to balance out things; friends, family, God, and responsibilities..

blessings. its what they are. i appreciate them oh-so-very much and i praise God for allowing me to meet and have such wonderful people in my life. but of course, as a human, its easy for one to appreciate a blessing more than another. get me? so its hard for me to appreciate my parents when i'm with my friends, and vice versa.

its why i'm in such a mess. i've been restricted from going out on friday nights.. especially to music ministry practices. ha. i tried to negotiate without saying much except that i needed to worship lead. i'm not so sure if it worked out, but with God's grace, i know something good will come out of this.

but really tho, am i really the rebellious child? i've never ran away [except to another part of the house]. i've never smoked and i've never done drugs. i've never yelled back at my parents. i've never sneaked someone over. i've never done so many things. yes, i've drank, but most of the time, it was with their knowledge and it wasnt even a lot. i've lied. i've stayed out later than i should.. so why only hold me against the fact that i stay out late?

i'm a girl. i'm only 16--oh wait, 15.. i dont drive. i'm partially 'blind'. yes, i know all that. but i still try to come home early. no later than midnight. the last time i came home past midnight or at midnight was marcelle's bday party last month. the last time before that.. probably during the LF Christmas party. last year, i'd stay out til 2am!!

i know its not the same as before and i know that this entry has just been filled with complaints.. but i'd rather do this here than with my parents, ya know?

blah. i'm tired. i had a good afternoon. thanks, everyone. =) and if you're one of the people i was with and you read this, dont think its your fault that i'm 'in trouble' cuz its not. DONT EVER THINK THAT!! good night, world.