breathe, stretch, shake, let it go..

my history teacher is right. watching tv and movies gets one depressed. we watch 'em to escape reality even if we know its only for those couple of hours. but once its over, once we felt like we lived the lives of others, once we thought that our lives were "okay" compared to the lives of those portrayed in our shows/movies.. we begin to wish that our show is still there to distract us from the problems we face. why? because we realize that our lives could be "okay" if we put more effort into it, but we dont. and so we end up depressed.

i dunno, maybe its just me. maybe its just cuz i've just watched one tree hill.

compared to those on tv, my life is fine. i dont have a run-away ex who has my baby. i dont have a fallen marriage. i dont have medical injuries. i dont have a lunatic father, a drug addict for a mother, nor a brother who decided to drop our relationship.

but unlike them, i dont have plans, a future, or anywhere to go. lucas told brooke how he felt about her. haily came back. payton has a mother. nathan is going to high flyers. karen is going to new zealand to be with the guy she loves. they all have dreams and they're all slowly getting there or at least attempting to get there.

i, on the other hand, also have dreams but have no intentions of reaching them. i'm not saying i give up on what's in store for me--at least i dont think i am. i'm just saying that i know i've screwed up. i know i can't really do things over. i know that i cant make it if i continue to do the things i do. i also know i'm gonna continue to slack off and that its gonna get worse as time progresses.

i'm not quite sure who they quoted on the show, but someone said that there are two things that can cause a person great tragedy: one is reaching your desire and the other is.. i forgot.. haha. it had something to do with desire and not reaching it.. i think.. but anyway, i'm not ready for tragedy. i'm not ready for the pain. i'm not ready for responsibility. i know i have to face it whe the time comes because i know that by then, God will know i'm ready.. but i really dont want to.

on another topic--well not really, but it kinda is--i'm gonna explain how the "breathe, stretch, shake, let it go.." thing works with this entry. i've been holding back, holding my breath in, afraid to take it whatever it is that's out there for me to take it. i'm scared to stretch and take the chances, to reach out there for the opportunities. i know i need to shake off my fears, dust it off my shoulders, and just LET IT GO. and oh! its one of the songs in the tryout routine which has a lot of booty in it and it's been stuck in my head.. haha that's all.

i'm talking like such a wise ass right now. ha. i'm gonna stop before i end up on the subject of boys or something..