insane

haha okay i know i just blogged like an hour ago or whatever.. but recent happenings calls for another entry!

so my friend marthina was talking about her and a special friend of hers--know what i mean? her situation causes me to reminisice and think, "what really went on?" i asked more and more questions to myself.

i look back earlier in the evening. it was like what? 9ish? i was in andrew argel's room with antoinette, andrew baladad, austine, and oswynn learning how to play the ukelele through the chord sheet andrew baladad brought with him. i was teaching him how to play "lord i lift your name on high" even tho it was my first actual time playing the uke. antoinette goes, "man, nez, your tight! freekin talented man.. how do you not have a boyfriend?!" what did i do? i just sat there..

its not the first time i've been ask that question, nor is it the first time i've lingered around the topic..

i'm not gonna sit here and list the qualities i have that guys might find attractive.. but gosh.. i really do wonder about it! is it cuz i'm too.. tomboyish?? haha. i think time its taking its toll cuz all three of the guys i was with tonight said i've started to dress girlier. [its true.. i wore pink today.. haha..] or is it the fact that i'm just.. not cute? not that fit? haha. damn this superficial society!! haha!

gosh.. haha. its like the 3rd or 4th major time i've honestly thought about it in the past couple of years. its driving me insane!! not just insane, but bitter too. gahhh!!

i should go to bed now. i need sleep. i have to get up early tomorrow. =/ so much for a three-day-weekend.