i made my parents check me out of school during lunch. i couldnt handle the physical pain anymore. stupid cramps.. i missed 3rd and 5th period and workshops and i slept for 4 hours. after all the sleeping, i'm still sleepy and i'm in pain.
i really dislike school. theres nearly 5 weeks left and i'm slacking off more than ever. i cant believe how lazy i've become. but at the same time, i cant believe how hard i'm trying to fight the laziness. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt, but i know i'm trying. its just.. hard.
i'm scared. for me. for everything. maybe blogging, talking, procrastinating, and busying myself up is my escape from my fears.. which is rather stupid considering that i'm scared that i'll drop all my responsibilities.. but i'm scared.
right now, all i want is to have that one person say 'everything is going to be all right.' i know that there's one person for sure that will say that.. God.. but given the circumstances, i dont know if i hate the guts to go to him. not now..
i mean i havent done anything really stupid like attempted suicide, but i've done too many little things that have built up. i've gone to confession and stuff, but it still doesnt seem right.
i dont know if anyone will believe me, but i've wanted to take a break from everything for a while now.. from school, from friends, from the community.. from my family.. but for some reason, i know i shouldnt and i know i cant. being the stupid person, i have too much responsibility, too many people to hurt, too many things to deal with if i were to ever leave everything..
i dont know why all of a sudden i've decided to be honest with this post. maybe its all the drama series that i've been watching, maybe its the fact that more pressure is building up.. maybe i'm just tired of keeping it all in.. who knows..
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