wooshhh

Driving with an instructor is fun. Especially if the instructor is one of your friend's dad. =)

Myspace. It comes in handy sometime.

So what are the chances that I'll still have some of my Christmas money on Valentine's Day? I really really think they're slim. Haha.

Happy New Year!!

Post-Christmas Post

Holidays and special occasions are awesome--until someone forgets, someone doesn't show up, nothing seems special about it, or saddening things are remembered.

The first three reasons are why I hate planning and why I dislike my birthday. But heyy, I gotta make do with what I am given and usually, I'm given a selected number of people to spend whatever was planned or my brithday with. Praise God.

A year ago, the "Asian Tsunami" or "Boxing Day Tsunami"--whichever you prefer--took place. A year ago, my dad got into a car accident on the way to work. A year ago, I cried for over 275,000 souls which were lost. A year ago, I cried for my dad being safe. A year ago, I cried for being alive.

Today was a day like no other. Christmas day with friends and family. I could ask for more, like have everyone complete, but I won't. Why? Simply because I made do with what I was given and I experienced one of the best Christmases ever.

2005 is a memorable year. It makes me look forward to 2006.

Thank you for your prayers, Mama Mary. Please continue to pray for us sinners; cover us with your mantle of protection and keep us out of harm's way.

Holy Trinity, one God, my Lord, have mercy on us. Thank you for your infinite and unconditional love. Please, continue to bless and guide each of our bodies, minds, hearts and souls as we continue to try to live our lives in accordance to your will.

Christmas Eve '05

"When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time."
John Mayer's "St. Patrick's Day"

Converse with older people. They may not always be wise, but they have a lot of good things to say. Oh, and when I say "older", I don't necessarily mean middle-aged people. Just older in gernal.

Merry Christmas!!

Back To You

"I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away
Not this way"
- John Mayer

I can never learn John Mayer songs. I always find them a little on the complicated side. Either that or the music I find online is incorrect. He's one talented guy. I just don't like the way he looks when he sings live.. haha.

Exorcism of Emily Rose is a good movie. I didn't really finish it, but from what I saw, it was... fulfilling. I know that it brought me closer to God.

It's almost 3am. It's 2:58.

DMDL; good stuff. =) If you don't know what it is, then oh well. Haha. I'll eventually share it.

*It's 3am.*

I'm somewhat surprised my parents don't say much. I asked my dad to watch it at GP's and he didn't say no and didn't even say it was too late for me to go out when it was already 9pm. I got home at 11:30 and my mom didn't get mad. I'm sure they expected it out of me, since its how i was during summer, but the fact that they're not saying much is new to me.

I have a busy week ahead of me. Strange; I didn't plan on doing anything during break except winter homework and projects.

I shall go to sleep now because I'm tired and I have to do things tomorrow!!

blech..

I just spent the last hour or so fixing minor, insignificant details of things online which I know, for a fact, people won't notice. Ehh. What can I say? I'm not a hardcore perfectionist, but lots of little things bug me.

Tonight was intercessory at Geraldine's. It felt nice to get back into meetings again--since I haven't had a meeting for a ministry (excluding Music) in ages. And it felt nice to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, too. Reminder: look for a prayer and write out the next meeting into the planner.

Afterwards, Christy wanted to watch a movie. I wanted to watch one too, but I didn't have much money on me, so I just ended up at GP's with Nette and Victor, Andrew, and Don at GP's house. We played poker. =) We think Victor's addicted and that this is the new LF pass-time activity. Halo2 was soo last year! Hah! (And Halo3 is soo next year--and I'm serious about it!)

Got my SAT scores. Hahah.

I should sleep. Tomorrow calls for cleaning. =)

And I wonder..

Weekend was well-spent down south in San Diego. =) The formally-dressed young and old were gathered together under one roof insanely taking pictures, getting fat, laughing, reminiscing and planning. I loved it!

Christmas really brings families together. Thank you, Jesus!

On that note, I wonder what life would be like if I stayed in the Philippines. Or if I even got to go back this year. It sure as heck would've been more festive--not that it wasn't festive this year, because it really was--it's just that goshh. I've got neices and nephews who are already like 5 whom I haven't even met, cousins getting married, cousins having babies...

Often, I wonder how much I'm missing out on. Not just when it comes to family back home, but everything like... How much do I miss out on life by being lazy? Or how much do I miss out on moments with family when I'm at church events? Or how much do I miss out on church events when I'm with other friends? In the past month--heck, in the past week--I've noticed how out of place I am with a lot of people/crowds.

The only place I don't feel left out at these days is when I'm with my family. Praise God for them. =)

Family. <33

winter break

Its gonna suck for a while. I'm gonna spend it recovering.

I was told once that drinking a shot of tequila will help you heal faster when you're sick or something of that sort. Makes me wonder...

Museum Of Contemporary Art. MOCA. I wanna gooooo. Take meee. (To both MOCAs--because there are two of them).

So I found out that the trip to visit the East Coast with my academy is abount $700. It's not just New York. =/ The over all expenses would probably be like what? $1,000? I really wanna go.

I don't feel so well. I'm going to sleep.

oh man..

5 weeksss. eeks.

My family got me sick. =/ We're all pretty much sniffling and coughing and have soar throats. I don't like it one bit.

Today, there's a toy drive at lunch. I should be getting out of this class (Intro to computers) and heading down to the outdoor-stage cuz I'm the one "in carge" of the project. Gosh deng it. I have no script to follow, no ideas in mind, and I'm going crazeeeeee.

Afterschool there's Christmas Caroling practice for ASA at my house. around 50+ kids at my house. I'm scared.

Tomorrow, I have to go visit Mount Saint Mary's with a group of people for my Personal Development final. Gahh. During rush hour and everything. =/

I need to breathe and take some medicine. My head hurts. =/

"tomorrow" is today

Today, auspiciously, brought something better for me to smile it.

Those words of the day from dictionary.com are cool stuff man.

I saw how much my parents really love us. My brother's sick. Because of it, my parents were all quiet and gentle, as if a part of them was sick. It was really... cute.

I've come to a conclusion that 8pm-11pm are my lazy hours. I don't do homework. Know what sucks? 11:30pm-1am are my "hard to stay awake" hours. Hah.

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

"I am somebody. Yes I am, Yes I am."

Today just helped me see the quirks and flaws I have even more.

I am no artist. I am selfish. I am inconsiderate. I am a hypocrite. I am prideful. I am afraid to get hurt. I'm a talker. I am weak. I crave attention. I overlook mistakes. I make too many mistakes. I am.. crying.

Yesterday, I cried during mass. I cried a lot. But I know that I held back.

Today, I almost teared up a countless amount of times. Why? Because of what I said and did, and what I didnt say or do.

Tomorrow, who knows what it'll bring.

5 more school days til break.

MOCA is awesome. I want to go back. Please, oh please, would you go with me during winter break? Lets go vist both MOCAs. And stop by Wacko. =)

I'm writing about school at the beginning of the weekend. blech.

Robby is funny

I just HAD to spread it out. =) Taken from Jon's blog which was taken from Robby's blog, this crap is wonderful.. hahaha.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and..
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

but..
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

and..
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

and, look how far ass kissing will take you..
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

so, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that..

while hardwork and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and ass kissing that will put you over the top.

I did a report thingy for Intro to Computer. For now, I plan to major in Public Relations and become a Public Relations Manager or Public Relations Specialist. Ha!

Okay, I'm out. I gotta go paint a banner for the Junior Counsil Toy Drive which I'm sorta in charge for. Then home. Then Austine will pick up my sun glasses for something. My dad will then drop off me and my brother at the church while he goes and picks up my cousins from the airport from the Philippines. (Yay! Pasalubong!!) So that's MASS at 7pm because it is a HOLY DAY OF OBLIGATION (in celebration of the Immaculate Conception). But we'll see if we change plans. =)

"It's beginning..

..to look a lot like Christmas."

I love it. Driving down the streets where lit Christmas lights hang, being wrapped up in layers of clothing (and blankets if you're about to sleep), shopping (if you can afford it) for last minute gifts.. wonderful! =)

So for the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to get to sleep. Every night, I'd lay in my bed and think for at least an hour before I fall asleep. Every night, I think of the same things over and over and over again. And people have noticed how different I've been acting. Lailani asked why I am "being so emo" lately. Haha. It's weird..

But then again, weird is beautiful and beautiful is weird. Everything will work out for the best! I trust in God!! =D

Reminiscing

April:

• "I wear you."
• "I have trouble commiting to friendships. its why i know so many people but at the same time, i'm not really that close to anyone."
• "its easier to avoid confrontation than to actually do it, but everyone--including the Lord--knows that its better off for your sake and for the well being of everyone who cares about you to deal with problems sooner as opposed to later."

May:

• "its hard for me to accept the fact that i'm getting older. why? because i know that the older i get, the more changes i'll have to go through, the more pain and suffering i have to endure. but at the same time, i know that with the pain and with the suffering comes the joy and happinessand the love you feel which occurs afterwards."
• "relationships are what make my cry the most. not bf/gf type of thing, but relationships in general. no matter if it be a relationship with my siblings, my parents, my friends, or God, i'll cry my heart out given the circumstances. . . blessings. its what they are. i appreciate them oh-so-very much and i praise God for allowing me to meet and have such wonderful people in my life."
• "life is like music. . . love is like music."
• "just hug me. please. i just need those types of hugs.."
• "If I cant help you out of a hole, Ill climb in there with you. Ill smile and say I dont mind."
• "how do you not have a.....?!" hah!
• "Closure."

June:

• "sometimes i think that i'm really not as independent as i claim myself to be."
• "its not that great to hang around a big place full of faces you hardly even talk to anymore. . . i wandered in and out of crowds, hoping that somewhere, i'd be able to find the comfort of.. home."
• -"no wonder you're the favorite.." -"suck up.. =P"

Oh! The joy of reminiscing! Hah! =)

Sometimes, I wonder where I went wrong with some relationships to be feeling the way I do right now. I hold myself accountable because after all, a relationship--any relationship--is a two way street, right? I just wish I know how to make it all up. If it doesn't get any better, I don't think anything band will happen. With that said, should I be worried? Because I am.

i <-heart-3 music

It's all I need to calm down. It's all I need to express myself.

It's been about a month and a half since my Jack Johnson craze-phase. =) It's not over yet. Hah!

10 more school days until break!
6 days til the LF Christmas Party!
13 days until I head down to San Diego for 3 days and 2 nights for the mom's side's fam bam Christmas Reunion!!
21 more days til Christmas!! =D

Oh gosh. I MUST go shopping for presents soon.

Deng Cal and their finals. Now I have no one to drive me to go shopping! Haha. Joke only.

I like conversations which last hours about nothing. =)

Ate Rose says I'm somewhat pensive. Haha. I like that!

Kuya Lou is an awesome photographer with an awesome camera.

I think I might take Psychology with Melanie at either Harbor or El Camino during Winter Session. Austine mentioned something about overloading. Maybe?

I have to memorize some Spanish for tomrorow and a whole scene for Theatre by Wednesday. This sucks. I hate my memory. I swear. I remember the most insignificant things, but when it comes to really memorizing what's needed, I don't. =/

I miss Kuya Dinand. I could've talked to him on the phone today if my mom's phone card didn't run out of minutes. ...Stupid phone cards who says there are like 113 minutes and lasts like 48...

Laugh

SATs were... okay. The instructor/supervisor kept staring at me. My butt went numb. Hah! It wore me out. One moment, maybe it'll even be in 5 minutes, I'll read this and laugh.

I'm a bored person but this thing...

...makes me laugh! =D

Sidenote: I heard those guys were freshies at Cal when they did this in '03. Haha.

Laugh. It's contagious and adventageous. It's the best medicine in the world. It makes feel young again. Just laugh.

I tried

I tried. I really did.

One simple thing made me smile genuinely, but that one simple thing caused me this... I'm not quite sure what I mean by "this". But it's as sure as heck isn't something good.

Take me out. =)

The Laramie Project

Happy 29th Birthday, Matthew Shepard.

Matthew shepard was 21 when he was brutally murdered on the evening of October 12, 1998 in Laramie Wyoming. The Laramie Project is a play constructed by 5 actors and writers about Matt's world-renowned case.

I watched it tonight.

For two and a half hours, my dad waited in the car for me so he wouldn't have to waste gas making two trips and just so I can watch that play. I love him.

I got lost going to Santa Monica College. I went to the wrong campus or wrong part of the college. I asked both Lindsay and Noel for directions. Praise God I know people who are familiar with that area.

I got lost looking for the theatre after I found the right campus of SMC. Security told me to go go to this one place, but it was something of the Angel Food Fundraising thing. There was a red carpet with lights and railings on one side and the repetative logo of the corporation in the background (like when the stars walk out from the grammy's). Walking through it made me feel.. special. The fact that people there were nice enough to give me directions to the correct place was awesome. I was able to walk through the bunker where I think a silent auction was being held and where lots of high-rollers were in. I never imagined I'd experience something like that. Awesome stuff.

Today, I learned that getting lost isn't always so bad. It may be stressful and extremely irritating, but in the end, everything will work out for the best. Great experiences come when you find yourself again.

Too many things are going through my mind right now. I have some homework to take care of and I'm sleepy [since I didnt get my nap and didnt get home til around 10.] =/ Good night.

beautiful!

The little things we fail to notice makes us who we are. The little things we always notice makes us who we are.

I enjoy how the little thoughts and memories of the yesterdays make me smile and/or laugh randomly throughout the day. It makes the day bearable to experience.

I really dislike school right now.

I think I have a little too much pride. Either that or I'm just selfish. It really sucks.

Sometimes I feel like I have to be needed in order to belong. Get me? As of now, I'm not really needed in that many things, unlike before. Maybe that's why I feel so... lost.

In 15 days, it'll be winter break.

Beautiful!

Random Thought: My neice in Cypress has never worn a shirt twice to school. She doesn't mind wearing jeans, skirts, jackets, scarves, accessories and stuff over and over again, but she refuses to "repeat" shirts. She goes shopping practically every weekend.

Note to self: Don't buy her clothing for Christmas. Don't buy her clothing--period.

ABs

Contemptuous jealousy. The subject would be an interesting song, wouldn't you think?

I love how 6th period makes my day! =)

Btw, that fail I had during the 10 week progress report.. it was a hella HUGE mistake. I have a low A in the class. My teacher just happened to mark an F for the progress report. ha! it just sucks how it killed my break (I didn't get to see Harry Potter because of that stupid mistake)..

Cuz i'm a cool cat like that. 8-)

distracted and disturbed

In 5th period, I sit practically alone. Sure, the other students are at my side, some probably reading this entry over my shoulder, but for the most part, I am alone. I've become a zombie and my mind no longer operates as it should. (But then again, when has my mind ever functioned correctly?)

The unspoken tension, the underlying truth behind the silent and artificial smiles, the bothersome absence of conversations and the aching heart whose only desire is to belong has come to taunt my mind. Every movement, or the sarcity of movement, stains my memory; the image of "them" passing me by, without a word, without a gesture is depicted in my mind as unintentional acts of cruelty caused by who knows what. It's driving me insane.

Why, after all these months, after these last few years, am I so afraid to confront "them" or the hidden issue? Maybe it's because I found "them". The friends would "get my back" when someone out there provokes a fight. The people whom I could rely on when in need of small favors such as getting a ride to somewhere. The other group of kids whom I would be able to turn to when in search of a good time or a shoulder to cry on. I found them. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to speak. I don't want to lose them or the friendship we once had. I'd rather leave it awkward with the wonderful memories of yesterday still in me than worsen the circumstances by opening my big mouth about something that only I perceive to be out of the norm.

Man. Why can't I start writing like that for my papers? I honestly think its a lot better than my usual crap.. That's when you know something's really bugging me.

"I'm just trying to live."

An hour later...

My teacher and I were discussing my future career. (I don't know how it got there, but it did.) He said that it's better to know what you want that going around and doing everything else which is unnecessary.

Sunday

"There is nothing you could reveal about yourself that I wouldn't want to know." - Dr. Preston Burke of Grey's Anatomy

Tonight, there was a case in which a woman was prematurely giving birth to female quituplet. Three of the babies need surgeries; one has an external organ which needs to be inserted within the abdomen, another needs neuro surgery because her head was lodged within the mother's lower rib cage, a third's left chambers of the heart was abnormally small.

I'm thankful to be alive.

Spent a couple of hours wrapping Christmas gifts with my mom. I'm glad I did.

I dislike Sunday evenings. They're when I'm most vulnerable to distractions and end up procrastinating. Oh, well..

Life goes on.. but to a certain extent. Love will last forever.

On rotation: Jack Johnson's "Banana Pancakes"
"I'll make you banana pancakes.. pretend like its the weekend."

Thank you, Thanksgiving break. I needed you. Good-bye.

"your eyes" by alexz johnson

"If I was drowning in the sea
Would you dive right in and save me?
If I was falling like a star
Would you be right there to catch me?
If I was dreaming of your kiss
Would you look right through me?

On the street I'm waiting
In my heart it's raining

Your eyes are holding up the sky
Your eyes make me weak, I don't know why
Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth
I thought my heart was bullet-proof
Now I'm dancing on the roof
And everybody knows I'm into you

If my heart was sadder than a song
Would you still listen?
If my tears fell on you, one by one
Would you see them glisten?

Your eyes are holding up the sky
Your eyes make me weak, I don't know why
Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth
I thought my heart was bullet-proof
Now I'm dancing on the roof
And everybody knows I'm into you

Every single thing you say makes me want to run away
Sometimes love's a rainy day but life goes on.

Your eyes are holding up the sky
Your eyes make me weak, I don't know why
Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth
I thought my heart was bullet-proof
Now I'm dancing on the roof
And everybody knows I'm into you."

equation

screwing up = missing out on fun

yepp.

one tree hill

It feels nice to be able to watch it again. I'm clueless about what's going on, but hey, who cares.

"6 billion souls.. but sometimes, all you need is 1."

I've screwed myself over more than I ever have in my whole academic career. Just like how I promised myself I wouldn't, just like how I told myself I shouldn't, just like how I told my parents I wouldn't.. I have.

And that's called parallelism. See, I'm striving to learn and succeed in English. Heck, I strive to learn and succeed in all my classes. But apparently, I'm not.

Theatre class is now officially my favorite class. I get twice the credit, the teacher is really awesome, the kids are amazing, while at the same time, I'm me, but not really. I can be me, but I can use the skills I've obtained in the class and act like I'm someone else. I love it.

*With a hint of sarcasm* College. I can't wait! Hah!

mid-first-semester-life-crisis

I've lost like 2, good, useful pens in the past week. It's sucky cuz I'm too broke to buy some of them pens! Quite irritating, might I add..

I've not only lost that, but I've lost my mind when it comes to school. Maybe I left it with my heart up in San Francisco?

Having a bunch of your friends go through a mid-first-semester-life-crisis while you're going through it yourself is a somewhat comforting thing. Knowing that there are people I can sarcastically laugh about school with makes me happy despite the fact that I've got one friend who ran away from home, one who's ditching, one who has drama like no other, two who claim to be head-over-heels &crazy in love, and another who's about ready to get drunk as heck.

Jack Johnson is wonderful. I want his CDs and music books.

Received and made a load full of phone calls today. Well, considering that I usually only get a call from each of my parents every day, it seemed like a lot. All the calling deprived me from taking a nap which could've been productive homework time.

Pshhh! Homework time... early in the evening? Haha! Who am I kidding? =)

2 more days and break is here. =) just 2 more days...

Which reminds me, I need money.

I'm thinking of going job hunting. My parents told me on Saturday that I've been the most expensive child out of the three of us this year since Lindsay's debut. I really think it's true. And (I really honestly hope that) I'll be driving soon and they're planning to get a car, so registration, insurrance, and gas is gonna be expensive enough without my weekly allowance. I figured getting a job would at least take care of my allowance, gas, and some school expenses like materials and club fees and whatnot. But we'll slee.

Good night.

grey's anatomy

i LOVE that show.

271. a week ago, i was doing the same exact thing: procrastinating, reminiscing, and thinking. but then.. when do i not do that?

i should be up for a while. keep me entertained. i need to stay awake for the sake of homework.

no matter what

Even if I planned something with someone else.. Unless I'm out of town.. Even if I'm not obligated to be with them.. I'll always be hanging out sith some LFers. And you know what? I love every minute of it.

Tonight felt like a Friday. I hung out and got fat and talked.

At some point, I'm really glad my Saturday turned out the way it did. I've missed LFers. At another, I'm sad, because I really do miss my school friends--especially the ones whom I was suppose to be hanging out with tonight, because I don't even see them. I'm sure God has His reasons.

The DMV is one of the places I truly dislike.

Singing for Sunday mass tomorrow. =) Yay!

potential

There's so much of it. In me. In you. In all of us. It's up to us to make use of that potential to make something more of ourselves. It's up to us to make it palpable that we will succeed despite our burdens and tribulations.

One thing I'm glad to have learned in my intro to computer class: many of the successful are successful because they do what they dislike.

That statement pushes me to do homework. Sadly, I don't think it pushes me enough.

Good night.

- low IN aplomb

theatre

There's something about my theatre class which i love oh-so-very much. At times, I believe it's because everyone is so different, yet we all get along. Other times, I believe it's because I'm so different, yet they choose to accept me. And yet, there are times when I believe that it's because they know me, but they don't, and vice versa.

We're all from different cultures and backgrounds and sexual orientations. We all are just a bunch of high school kids who don't mind standing in front of a small crowd to act adolescents or as a character. We're all.. just ourselves. We have everything to say to each other, but we say nothing until another asks. Respect, peace, and privacy are highly present within the class sessions. It's great.

While on the topic of theatre, who wants to watch a play with me at Santa Monica? I HAVE to watch it and write a paper. I'll pay for your ticket. I'm going on Thursday, December 1st cuz its only $5. If you'd like to go with me on a weekend, its $8, but I'll still pay as long as you come with me.

I have no homework tonight so I'm going to take the chance to sleep early. Chances that I'll actually sleep and not myspace: low. Haha! K byee!

mistakes

"You have to push things until they break down. It's the same with people: If you dont push ourselves, we don't know what our limits are. Being Right stokes your ego, but being wrong teaches you something." -K. C. Cole's physicist friend.

There's something about english and writing that has always attracted me. Maybe it's the fact that there can be so many different ways and levels one may evoke emotions for his or her readers.. Maybe it's the fact that it's so.. foreign..

I've never been well in English, or any type of writing (except blogging). I don't remember the last time I received a grade on a paper which I would proudly show off to my parents. I don't remember when I even started enjoying English and writing, but I do.

I've made too many mistakes in all aspects of my life, as well as writing, that it's nearly impossible to cry about them. I've repeated the same thing over and over and over again that I've reached the point to where I've become.. stagnent.

I know what's out there, what I can do, and that there are endless possibilities that come with taking a simple risk and pushing limits. I just don't know where my limits are, what risks to take and what to leave behind, what I should do.

In the words of Usher, "Can you help me?" Because I do want to push my limits, I do want to take risks, I do want to experience whatever is out there to experience. And no--I'm not talking about drugs and sex! I just want to know what I can do and who I can be when it comes to things like writing, praying, playing music..

I don't know. I've just been really caught up with stuff in my head. Coburnout. [Inside joke with my English class.]

Oh, by the way, I have a new sn: low in aplomb. IM me, because knowing me, I'd be too lazy to transfer your screen names.

quick realization

I can easily say I've gotten close to a lot of people recently, but I can also say I've grown appart from others too. One thing's for sure: I'm sure as hell not close to anyone right now. Is it saddening? Somewhat. But refreshing at some level. I don't know why.

home is where the heart is

"I left my heart in San Francisco, high on the hill.."
- Frank Sinatra's "I Left My Heart in San Francisco."

Yeah, the home is surely where the heart is. Yes, I live in Carson, but for three days and two nights, my home was the Ramada Inn on Market St. of San Francisco. For three days and two nights, I had a different family, was in a different environment, and was exposed to a lot of new things (including speed walking around the city at midnight while eating or drinking). For three days and two nights, I didn't have any responsibility except to not get lost, not to starve, manage money, have common courtesy for hotel visitors and workers, and tend to my personal hygiene. For three days and two nights, I was far and out of Carson on my own.

These memories will never be replaced. Never. They are engraved within my mind and of course in my heart. Rekindled friendships, new friendships, and growing friendships were formed with not only fellow students, but teachers. Great stuff.

Pictures will be up soon. It's probably already up while you're reading this. But even though... IF YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES FROM THE TRIP, PLEASE SNED/BURN THEM FOR ME!!

Ms. Lonely

"Incessant writing is a sign of a lonely soul." -AA.

Haha. I think it's true. Sad, but true.

I think I should start typing more properly for the sake of better typing skills. Hah! I dunno why, but yeah. I'm getting used to the whole "shift+letter" thingy cuz of my typing class--which is where I am at for the time being.

Yesterday, I deleted all the songs on my phone/MP3 player because I got tired of them.. Then I put a bunch of old songs on there. Not old, old, as in 1950's old, but old as in early high school/middle school/elementary old. I got songs like Usher's "Help Me" and the Backstreet Boys' "Like a Child" and Coldplay's "In My Place" and some classics my dad introduced me to like "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx. Good stuff.

"And I'm leaving on a jet-plane..."

Okay, so that song isn't on my phone/MP3 player, but I wanted to put it up anyway. I'm ready to leave. I'm packed, or pretty much packed (except for the little things like my toothbrush and keys and whatnots), and i'm ready to get out of Carson. Frisco, watch out.

So I figured that since i'm getting money for this trip, I'll try to spend the least amount of money ever so that I can use the leftover money for Christmas gifts. My sister said she'll help spot me money and stuff like that while I'm up there, so I guess it's a pretty good deal.

Gotta be at LAX by 6:15AM tomorrow. Chances are that I'll be there like 5:45 or something with my dad--since he knows how the whole process works. He works for TSA and he's been working at the airport for as long as I can remember; 10-11 years now? That means I should sleep early. Chances are that I'll be sleeping like at 2AM.

Insomniac. I've been sleeping like at 2AM every night/morning. I get off the computer at around midnight, and if I know I wont sleep, 12:30. Then I lay around on my bed, wanting to sleep, praying and getting distracted due to some thoughts for an hour or so. It's really bad.

Incessant writing connotes lonliness. Haha. It's truee.

i'm that person again

i'm that person i once was in middle school again. except more opinionated, with more knowledge, and with a different crowd. i wonder: is it a good thing or a bad thing? because i've always wanted to be this--whatever "this" is--again, but what i want is not what's always best. get me?

brushing up and catching up with old friends makes me realize how much i've changed. it's astonishing.

know what i'm up for reading again? "the perks of being a wallflower" by stephen chbosky. i'm kinda tired of the cheesy romance novels of nicholas sparks. i still need to get Harry Potter.. =/ and maybe some new material out there..

so yeah, if you wanna get me a Christmas present, there it is. books. but a gift card to a book store could work?

gosh. Christmas is coming. i need money.

good morning!

...

there's something refeshing.. something comforting.. about standing outside my house, in the cold, in the dark, alone while the world is slowly falling asleep.

and so the randomness begins.

i want to sit myself down, have some hot chocolate in hand and read a good book while knowing that i dont have anything or anyone to take care of. i havent done/felt that in a long time.

i want to write a book. about what? who knows. the chances that it'll be in the romance relm? high.

eh this is pointless.

my parents

i was reminded of fr.... uhh, what was his name again? dunno. but the priest who gave the talk last night. he's cool. and i was reminded of him when i was about to write this entry.

i told myself i'd start hw at 7pm. my mom enters my room at 7:10 and says, "get off. i wanna watch soap operas." and so now its like 9:30 and i havent done much. haha.

my mom. she's a funny person. its cute how she tries to understand all these things like technology and she takes forever to get it down.

my dad is funny because he gets things a lot easier than my mom. i asked him why its so, and he goes, "because i'm smarter than your mom. =P"

i've come to a conclusion that i'm a fairly good mix of my parents. i get my mom's desire to understand a lot of things and her "skill" of being easily lost when being explained to. i get my dad's sarcasm and lame jokes. haha. do i make sense? =P oh well.

compared to a lot out there, if one didn't know my family, they'd probably think we're ballers. look at all our cell phones and you'll find out why.

the fact that we were almost on the verge of getting a car today--a car for me--adds on to the "baller status" list.. even tho we're not. oh btw, it was a 2000 silver 2-door automatic EX civic. it was a pretty good deal too, but i think the guy was selling it to someone else already. who knows. he didnt show up to meet us so we didnt get to test drive the car. mann, i want it.

so i still dont have my permit. my mom was like "why are we looking for cars? you don't even have your permit.." and say to her, "cuz you wont let me take it.. so who's fault is that? =P" and she walks away. haha. the thing is, they say i'm rushing into the whole driving thing too fast, and i guess i am. but they're rushing into the whole buying a car thing, so i'm not alone. cuz they know i need to start driving. getting rides is too much of a disturbance and i need to get to a lot of places these days--with classes and all.

late

when people would go out of their way for you, that's when you know they care. so what is "out of their way"?

archetypes. they're everywhere. stereotypes. they're everywhere too.

a soap opera of mine called "ikaw ang lahat sa akin" (you are everything to me) ended today. it was.. all right. could've been better, but it could've been a lot worse. get me?

in 4 days and like 5 hours, i'll be out of carson. =)

had a good discussion with leila, andrew, and antoinette at the evangelista's.

cliques. they're everywhere too. yepp. it just happens. i know that i've been in a few.. maybe i still am. anyway, its unhealthy if it excludes someone/everyone. so how do you know when you exclude someone? that's when you really gotta watch what you're doing cuz you could be hurting someone while you least expect it.

kareoke night at gp's house. =) that was awesome, dude! pictures will be uploaded soon!! haha. penny called me and i was sad that i couldn't talk to her long.

then it turned into a half-halo night. well, it was expected since it's been like that for what.. a year? sadly, over that year--or actually, over the last 6 months--i dont think i've really improved much. and not to be conceited and all, but i do believe that i'm pretty good compared to a lot of other people out there. what i dont understand is how guys can get better so easily when i play more often/the same amount of time as them..

today was slack off week. tsk tsk. bad for me. =/

dia de los muertos

eternal rest grant unto them, oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. may their souls rest in peace.

field trip to olvera street allowed me to see one of the most beautiful adoration chapels i've seen. i wanna go back. i also saw this beautiful alter.

anyway, not much to do today. just more procrastination. ha!

"better together" by jack johnson is still on repeat. so is "makita kang muli" by sugarfree. yepp. lovin' em. why? cuz they're awesome songs and i can play them! =)

san francisco, here i comeee! <33 next week, suckahh! got my ticket and i'm getting my slips signed and i'm paid for and yeahhh. hehe.

alright, lates!

trick or treat!

my trick-or-treating route

dunno how many miles that is. but yeah, if you cant see it, IM me and i'll send it to you! i'm surprised my brother kept up with me. =) i've missed walking. it felt nice to walk around at night.

what else happened. ohh! two ladies thought i was my brother's mom. yuckkk. =/ is that how girls are viewed now? you see a teenage girl walking around with a kid and the kid is automatically assumed to be the child of the girl. weird..

i'm tired. i need rest. hehe. tomorrow's gonna be a long day.

olvera street for the spanish field trip. then maybe the DMV after some studying. then mass. =) more walking to do. haha.

halloween

last year <33

that was my lola lucy's 92nd birthday. today, she's 93. happy birthday, lola!

i need my spiderman (andrew, my nephew), my chinese girl (arianne, my neice; andrew's older sister), and my tinkerbell (sabrina, my neice) and a camera. i'll be set for halloween.

the best part about halloween is that its the one time of the year that you can either show your true self or hide even more of you through your costume and get free stuff, like candy, while doing so.

man. it feels so late its only 7pm.

better together

andrew neil <33 =)

funeral's tomorrow. another early morning. but its okay cuz i get to spend it with my family. =)

i learned jack johnson's "better together" today. =) i'm surprised that its a fairly easy song. i'd like it even more if my voice fit the key of the song. haha. but its a cool song. i need to learn how to sing it right tho.

i'm gonna go play some video games with my bro on his game cube, maybe chat a bit [if everyone gets off their away messages] and then knock out. ohhh! and do my toes somewhere in between those things. haha. k lates!

ghetto

aye, yo. my ghetto family gots some issuesss. aiight, so here's how it goes..

so my lola be dead, right? she be havin her funeral on saturday and she an awesome Catholic. her son, my uncle, be havin her funeral held at cypress' Forest Lawn and the so called mass aint even no mass. my auntie be callin him and his wife anti-christs. my auntie's daughter, my cousin, be sayin that if they were anti-christ, why are they so proud of their second son going to daily mass. my other relatives be like, aye yo, you gotta get her blessed in the church cuz she was born a Catholic, she lived as a Catholic, and she best be dyin in a Catholic way. and its weird cuz the people who be sayin that got soo much pride in 'em that you see it in the kids. my nephew be walkin around spillin drinks cuz he has so much pride that he dont wanna be seen drinking a bottle still--even tho he only 3 years old. but ferrealz tho, despite all that, i love how they be emphasizing on bringing my lola to a Catholic church to be blessed.

there be some other stuff and i be over here trippin like i'm some kinda gangsta thug, but i aint. not so much, anyway. just feelin' a lil ghetto.

anyway, i gots me some business to handle so peace out, cuh.

intro to computers

i think i pissed off my computer teacher. ha.

so right now, since its holloween, we're watching the ring. <33 that came out like in 8th grade? or was it 7th? ehh. i just remembered who i watched it with during both the first and the second time. haha. its the only movie that i watched twice in theatres.

anyway, i'm gonna watch this movie cuz i havent seen it since then and i actually did like it. =)

flirt?

what is flirting? is it not giving praise for the purpose of gaining something in return such as approval or attention? or at least somewhere along those lines.. right?

with that being said, is there such a thing as "flirting with friends"?

i personally think so. its how i "play the game"--the friendship game, that is. its how i get close to people because its easy to get to know another through, literally, friendly flirting. friendly flirting breaks the ice while at the same time, forms stupid inside jokes between the two of you. after the ice is broken down, after all the inside jokes, things are then taken to another level where stories are told, emotions are shown, secrets are shared, and trust is established.

thinking about it, that's how a bf/gf relationship goes.. starts off with flirting most of the time, doesn't it? the real good relationships are based on a strong friendship and that friendship is strengthened through the flirting. yeah? i dunno.

anyway, i got back from a play at around 10:30. it was pretty cool--and no, not because there was a pretty cute guy wearing a thong! =P i just wish that my mind isn't so limited. i probably would've understood the play more if i knew more vocabulary and kept up with current events and historical facts. more of a reason for me to do well in school, eh?

i have to study for my AP env sci exam. i must do well on this and try to raise my grade. cuz honestly, that class gets me lazy like whoa. i'm tired of outlining and doing the same routine everyday (copy agenda, quiz, activity, discussion/group work).

well, i'm out. its 11 and i think i should start on some hw cuz i'm sleepy..

caring

let me in on your secrets. let me wipe your tears before they fall. let me hold you as you cry. let me love you as i am, because i love you for who you are. i care for you. and i always will.

its something that happens once you get close to someone. well, not really close, but closer than you were before. get me?

a lot of things happened today and if i didnt know any of the people who went through some odd drama today, i probably would've shrugged it off. but i do. or at least i know them more compared to before. feeling useless is not a wonderful feeling.

i haven't watched like 3 days worth of soap operas. if we're getting out early tomorrow, i think i'm gonna catch up on them..

all the responsibility i've taken on, i'm starting to back out on them. i dunno if its my bad time management, my poor memory, or lack of contact with ministry members/heads, but i haven't gone to any meetings in a while.

my stomach hurts, homies. i think i have an ulcer.

yay for school..

ha! i LOVE school! yuppp. i love it with a hell of a gosh damn passion. >=/

i'm about ready to screw it over right now. my theatre class, my personal development class, my AP classes.. all of it. i swear, i if it weren't too late to drop them, i would. but it is, so i can't. cuz if i do, i'd get a failing mark. but come to think of it.. it's not like i'll get a better grade if i stayed in the classes. ha.

time to get started on the 20 pages journal for theatre. i'm probably gonna have to get up to like 35 pages to make up the paper work i haven't been doing because of the stupid play i cant go to. gahh.

then outline not one, but two freekin chapters of that damn environmental science book.

next comes some spanish homework? ha. best score i'm getting is a B cuz there's no way i'm memorizing that shiznitz.

know what's cool about my 3-year-nephew? he's 3 years old. he can laugh and smile and say the most random crap ever and still be cute, still be laughed at, still get attention, and not have to worry about failing anyone, especially himself. Gosh, i love that boy.

know what's cool about my 5 year old nieces? they'll sing, they'll laugh, they'll talk tagalog, they'll be loud during prayer time.. they'll say things that can make others cry.. they'll do anything without a care in the world--that is, until they get in trouble. i love them.

you know what's amazing? how fast people grow up. yeppp. i can go on forever and a day with all the things i've witnessed. it's sad how i haven't grown up that much yet. i'm immature like hell and i dont think that's ever gonna change; i'm not a big fan of change.

man i need to get off this damn computer. no freekin wonder my eyes are going from bad to worse. ha!

102105; 0629PM

lola lucilla, you will be missed. <33

another one of those bittersweet evenings. same reasons as before, i guess. maybe even sweeter cuz i hung out with some friends before i heard about the tragic news and sped off to cerritos.

i need a ride to santa monica college on sunday. would anyone like to drive me?

gah. i dont know what's going on tomorrow. one thing's for sure: i'll be cleaning because relatives from san diego are going to spend the weekend in my room. gosh, i've missed them.

i should sleep. its going to be yet another long weekend full of extra worries because of my need to find rides.

i swear.. i need AT LEAST a darn permit already!! =/

"i hold onto that thread of hope. always hoping that SOMETHING MAY happen. i've done it before and that turned like sh*t.." -an old friend of mine
please dont mistaken this part of my entry to be about my lola, cuz its not.
its about me. i held onto that thread of hope today, despite the fact that i knew what i wanted wasn't gonna happen. i realzied that i have to act differently this time around. i must act more responsibly for the sake of my well being.

bittersweet memories

"Bittersweet memories that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you need.
And I will always love you. I will always love you."
"i will always love you" by whitney houston

this evening is probably one of the best and worst nights of my life.

afterschool, i come to find my mom in the van, along with my dad and my brother. my mom goes to work at 2 so i figured something was wrong. we stop by the house, grab some food, and head for cerritos. why? my grandma/great aunt is sick and dying.

her condition? well, she's better than yesterday. everyone (except my family--me, my dad, and my mom) thought she was going to pass away. she's at home because our family knows that if she stays in the hospital, they'll just stick a bunch of tubes through her small and bruised-up body which really wont do much except make her suffer more. she cant talk. she can't eat and hasn't eaten for four days now.

know what makes it even sadder? (well, for me at least.) she's turning 93 in a week and a half. october 30th. we're suppose to have a party for her on the 29th, but i dont know if she can wait that long. so here we are, trying to find time in our busy schedules, throwing her a small birthday party every night with a new cake and more family members.

when i saw her today, i froze. she didn't play that big of a role in my life, but she's always been around. it was traumatizing to see her... practically lifeless.. in bed of the home which i've watched her sew, laugh, smile, sing, cook, and do so much more in.

when we left the house afterschool, i thought we were going to be in the hospital. and knowing that there's not much entertainment there, i decided to bring my guitar. my mom said that my grandma/great aunt really likes music. today, they asked me to play "happy birthday" 2-3 times as well as some other songs as a slide show of the last 20-25 years of her life played on the tv. my dad told me to stop playing for a while because maybe she wanted to rest. i tried, but i couldn't.

i felt like if i stopped playing, she'd stop listening. i felt like if i stopped playing, her heart would have stopped beating. i felt like if i stopped playing, i'd be saying good bye to her. i sat by her bed, playing the song "never gone" by backstreet boys, as tears rolled down my face. i looked down, pulled my baseball cap over my eyes, and kept playing.. gradually slowing down until my hands started to tremble. i ran to the bathroom and cried.

yes, it was a good cry, but it was not one i needed.

my cousins arrived from work. one of them asked my brother and i to go up to his room. we played xbox and i was admiring his new 24-inch computer screen and $1000-8 megapixel-digital camera. later on, family friends arrived. i bonded with the kids; one was a junior, the other in 7th grade. a while later, my other cousins arrived; one just moved from philippines a few months ago and the other is married and brought her husband and kids; one a freshman and the other in kindergarten. we laughed and joked around. we sang kareoke and talked about school and college. we bonded.

my mom's side is the rich side. the cousin who bought the 24-inch computer screen is a computer science graduate from UCI and makes like $55,000 a year; his fiance also graduated from UCI (they met while practicing for their PCN like 6 years ago??) and she majored in engineering and makes like $60,000-$62,000 a year. his younger brother majored in economics from UCSD last year. my cousin who's married and has two kids is a nurse and got a new cell phone a few months after she got a new lexus mini-SUV last year. her husband just bought their freshman daughter an ipod nano with engraving. he bought himself a new, $1,200 17-inch laptop AND one for his daughter six months ago. crazee family, eh? they're people who motivate me to want to do well in school and get that damn m3 or m6. ha.

i will always love all of you. especially you, lola lucy.

"and i want to know..

..what makes your world go round.
and i want to hear
your voice for the sound.
a love that defines all i've had in mind
now i'm holding back nothing
for the look in your eyes."
"the look" by ryan tedder

honestly, i do want to know.

i'm a seasonal girl. ha! its horrible but it makes my life more.. complicated? no, that's not the word. exciting? yeahh, that's it. its horrible but it makes my life more exciting.

wouldn't you consider me as a cool, fly girl or something? cute? nehh. scratch that one.. but i have a good and funny personality and i'm pretty "down to earth", right?

haha.. i'm smiling my butt off right now.

yesterday was one of those days when i..
..wanted it to rain but it didnt.
..was confused--yet again!
..was tired and slept early.
..myspaced. <33
..felt girly and tried on the dresses in my closet.
..wanted to spend money on.. mwahaha. secret!
..want to be asked.. mwahaha. secret, again!
..thought too much.
..enjoyed being with strangers or people i dont know that well.

mystery. jokes. sarcasm. smiles. music. sports. most especially, FAITH. they're must-haves. =)

cry

i have this weird mentality that after one good cry, i'll get over whatever i have to get over. with that one cry, i'll hit that bottom and find my way back up. with that one cry, i'll let whatever is bothering me go and i'll be fine. i shouldn't have that mentality.

i will do homework and sleep before midnight tonight.

buy me a piano. or a keyboard with full sets of keys. i want to play and learn.

*sigh*. the things i do when it comes to boys. interesting stuff, i tell ya.

two worlds to one

i come from a different world compared with you. you and i will never be exactly alike. we will never have the same thoughts, the same feelings, the same opinion, the same everything at the same time. we're from two different worlds. i will never know the real you. you will never know the real me.

but you know what? no matter what happens, we'll always have that connection. we're always gonna be able to talk. same place. same time. always.

there's so much to say. but i can't. i'm going crazy.

ehh?

gahh. i told myself that i would do homework. ALL of it. i will not slack off. i CANT slack off. not now. not ever. not this time.

but here i am. blogging. about what? hanging out.

i think it's almost near impossible for a teenager to just hang out without spending at least a dollar. think about it: just getting to the place where you want to hang out at wastes like.. half a gallon of gas because you want to get out of town. that's like $1.50 man.

deng it. i'm stressed out about being too relaxed. i hate my habits.

i'm tired. i didnt sleep. the lightning, thunder, and hard rain scared the heck out of me. weird? yeah, i thought so too. i slept on the lazyboy in my parent's room and everytime i moved, i was scared i'd wake them up. plus, there wasn't much space to move around in. i woke up with a sore neck. i hate rain but i love fall/winter.. they're seasons where everyone wears layers and it makes it impossible for people to see how fat you really are.

notes

i'm taking notes in my intro to computer class. man i'm bored.

whoooaaaa. it just started raining like crazee right now. this is insane. it was kinda sunny just during lunch. ha.

must pray for the drivers driving in the rain.

deng this rain. it's really pouring and stuff right now. makes me wonder if there's a rainbow outside cuz the sky looks pretty light considering that its raining. also, i wanna walk out or run in the rain.

and maybe chill under the lamp post... hah! <33

damn this is a whack class. ha. i mean not the people or anything and i dont want to offend anyone but seriously..

makes me wonder what i should take next semester. ha. maybe film? i'd love that a LOT more than this. but i need some tech art. gahh i hate school.

this person..

made:
me laugh. me smile. me think. my night.

is:
spontaneous. intimidating. outgoing. intelligent. experienced. fairly successful and still on the way up. independent. random. pretty stylish. high-maintenace. thinker. analyzer. loud. like me, but not. one of my motivations.

AIDS walk tomorrow/later. must sleep.

"i will try to fix you"

that's my promise. i'll try.

coldplay. heard them one morning on the way to school and decided to try to figure out the drum line or whatever you'd call it. just spent like half an hour doing so. great stuff, drums.

the best songs are those which start out with one instrument and end up with a lot. wouldn't you agree?

"if you keep pretending, then maybe you can fool the world. once you fool the world, then maybe it'll fool you and get your hopes back up." or something of that sort was said on the show "Everwood" last thursday. true or false? i find it to be true. but i'm not exactly all for it. you shouldn't lie to the world, let alone yourself.

driving, soon i will be. safely? maybe. to where? HA! who knows!?! with whom? we'll see.. but i know one thing's for sure: when someone finds out i've driven before and asks me "do you have your permit/license?" i can finally say "YES!" i find it funny that most of my driving experiences have taken place before i was legal to even apply for a permit and how now that i'm eligible to get a permit, i still dont have one.

i'm tired. maybe cuz i slept too long? i slept at 7pm yesterday. 7pm on a friday night. insane, isnt it? didn't wake up til 9am today. and i didnt even wanna get up. only cuz my mom asked me to clean. ha.

k i should go now. byee.

it never ends

love. therefore, suffering will also never end.

who am i to complain? a child of God. should i complain? no. but am i complaining? yes.

secrets. lies. blech. they seem to last fairly long.

if there's one pet peeve i have in the world, it's dishonest and untrustworthy people. i wont hate them. but it makes it difficult for me to love them more.

i think it's why i lack self-confidence. i am dishonest. i am untrustworthy. i am a secret keeper. i am a liar. i am a sinner. to whom? mainly myself. mainly God.

am i okay? physically, yes. emotionally, i'm somewhat unstable. financially, i'm broke. mentally, i think i'm fine. spiritually, i think i'm killing myself. overall...? you be the judge.

weekend. <33 praise God.

blog for jerica! =)

jerica said i havent blogged since "3234234 minutes ago". which is quite impossible cuz i blogged yesterday and there's only 525,600 minutes in a year. haha.

lets watch "rent"!! =D i'm willing to watch it! and i could soo try and make it into a field trip. hahaha.

so guys. i've been spending money. and a lot of money. its outrageous. and i want to spend more money. but hopefully i wont.

knotts has been a hot topic. i was invited by both lfers and friends from school. i was almost gonna decide to go with LFers on friday, but my parents said no and besides, the ticket prices were raised. so i'm not going. but i still want to go!!

aids walk is this sunday. going with a few friends. =) meeting up at 7am in front of the school, and i'm planning to go to mass at 6am. =X hopefully it's not a day with weird weather. i know like 4 organizations involved with aids walk. isn't that cool? anyway, i need money for that so does anyone wanna pledge?

anyway, getting up for mass/aids walk is gonna be hard. after going to prayer meeting the night before.. haha. shoot, i slept early yesterday and i had to be at school at 7:30am today for PSATs, but i didnt leave my house til like 7:28. haha. and i heard that there's no choir at that time so it's gonna be hard for me to keep up.

PSATs made me feel so stupid. haha. man i still feel dumb that its not even funny anymore. i've lost my passion for english. i'm scared like hell for the real SATs. i think its out of 2400 (or is it 2500?) because of the new format; with WRITING.

let me tell ya'll. i can't write anymore. i lost "it". the last nice thing i wrote was one of my fairly recent xanga entry about my spanish teacher and even then, it wasnt that great. =/ i'm scared for the AP testing too.

so with testing, i got my application for a fee waiver for the SATs in december. hopefully i'll do all right. please pray for me!! cuz homie i feel like i'm not getting any smarter.

maybe its the lack of sleep? haven't been sleeping much. i'm trying to cut down on eating cuz the more i eat, the more i have to stay awake cuz sleeping with a full stomach is bad. and besides, i'm pretty fat already.

not that i'm complaining or anything. and its not like i care that much about my physical appearance. i think its more about the money issue for me? i dont wanna shop for new "fat clothes" or whatever. i'm broke as it is.

and so the topic is always about money. *sigh*. i cant believe i'm complaining about my financial status so often while i dont even have a job.. while more than half the people of the world survive with less than an American dollar a day.

America is the fattest country. Texas has the fattest people. California has a "governator". Our president is.. pretty whack. God Bless America..

well, this suffices to kill my randomness/hyperness for the night. oh wait!! there's more!!

yo quierro un coche de stick shift. like.. badly. but i must first, at least, learn how to drive before i get any car. so therefore i must get to studying this darn permit stuff! my goal is to have my permit by the 23rd. i figured halloween would do, but then i realized it'd be a long time and i know i'd lag BIG TIME like how i'm lagging now.

anyawy, jo, the argel's cousin [man i should really learn her whole name], a co-catechist for the confirmation 1 program for room 3, is awesome. =) i like bonding with her! berkeley kids are really something else..

confirmation is great! i love those kids man! <33 i really see a lot in them and i know that even tho they're quiet, they are people willing to learn. =)

okay, i'm tired. THIS should be enough. right jerica? =)

friendships

you know when you have a good friendships when..

.. after years of seeing each other and hardly communicate, you still have that click and can converse long enough to seem like time didn't split you appart.
.. after some odd dilemma, one of you will say sorry to the other for no reason and will end up laughing the rest of the night.
.. you need a ride and they go out of their way to make sure you get to where you're at.
.. you cry or tear or freeze up for hearing and saying the words "i love you."
.. its you can converse through body language (mainly via eyes).
.. someone blogs about it.

i love my friends.
ALL of them. <33

from gene and other people

Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

What's your personality love style?
Here is the analysis: You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

The Real You
Here is the analysis:
- You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
- You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
- You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
- Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
- Your boyfriend thinks that you are a real doll but this is not a totally positive thing. Sometimes you can be a bit too sweet, and come across as being helpless. If you're like this too frequently, your boyfriend and other people are likely to get tired of you having to rely on them all the time.

What type of personality do you have?
Here is the analysis:
Bright and Cheerful
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

[click] <-- damn its addicting..

DOREB

have i ever brought up "doreb"? its gonna be my solo band name after make enough songs to declare as an album. hahaha! =P btw, "doreb" = "bored" spelled backwards

last year for art, i had to make a "cd cover". we could've named it after anything for any band. mine? it was: "doreb: so distant"

i feel like i should "release my album" soon cuz its how i feel.. distant. what i feel sucky about is that it's not just me. if it were just me, i dont think i'd be blogging about it right now.

but honestly, i don't think it's a bad thing at all. maybe good in some way. this could help me grow in some way. dont now exactly which way it is, but i'm sure God has a plan for me.

am i at peace? am i content? am i happy? am i lonely? i'm not so sure. but one thing's for sure: i'm blessed.

praise God!

my learning process

i must be interested and inspired to stick at something and persevere.

therefore, i will not make it through this deng AP english class. hahaha.

i hate writing. just because i can't write when i'm NOT interested and NOT inspired. well, i'm motivated because i do want to receive a good grade, but i'm NOT inspired. cuz when you're inspired, it just comes out of you. like for example, i'm inspired by annoyance right now and so all this stuff is just coming out of me like crazee.

gahh i'm going insane.

save me, please.

+EDIT+
i used up a third of my tissue box after a day. =/ my nose hurts.

100505

one of the longest days of my life.

well, nothing beats lindsay's debut weekend/labor day weekend.. not being home for 22 hours straight without having specific religious or educational obligations.. =)

anyway, i usually dont get tired from a 7:30am-11pm-not-being-home session. but the thing is, i was hella tired today. maybe having 4 classes for one and a half plus hours got to me. i had a field trip and didnt get to go to help out at confirmation. it was a play/dance performance out in east LA. it was pretty awesome. it was mostly interpretation dancing. ended up eating dinner a couple of blocks down and waited like an hour to get quesedillas. =/ we were suppose to get home around 10, but we didnt get our food til then. got home at 11 and here i am.

i cant really put into words what i'm gonna try to explain..

the thing is, i know i belong somewhere, but there are just certain times when i feel like i dont. when it comes to family, the LF community, or just people at school or whatnot, there are those moments when all i can do is stare into space because i feel like i'm in no position to do this, or to say that or whatever. i mean i cant complain, because it's true. i guess i just wonder if i really do "belong". get me? ehh oh well.

i got sick. i have a sore throat, i'm sniffing, i'm sneezing, and i'm cold. well, i've always been sniffing and having stuffy noses, but then it hasnt really gotten to this point in a while. =/

i hate weather changes.

please pray for my spanish teacher who hurt her knee/ankle [probably while salsa dancing]. and for those who were sick, that they may continue to be healed with God's grace. and for those who are getting or who are sick [like me], that God may heal them in body, mind, and spirit. =) thanks!

good night!

tagged; i'm IT

MUSIC TAG
the rules: list five songs that you are currently loving. it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog (xanga). Then tag five other xanga/livejournal friends to see what they're listening to.

1. nina - "foolish heart"
2. foo fighters - "the best of you"
3. hale - "broken sonnet"
4. cueshé - "stay"
5. daphne loves derby - "come winter"
[oh, and this song i found on purevolume earlier: acoustic light - "the light"]

i tag: jon, cheska, lindsay, gene, michelle, jinger, jerica, lani and whoever happens to read this! =)

haha. goshy golly gee. i didnt realize how much i'm into bands and non-famous acoustic artists.

purevolume!!

haha yess. it's great--now that it works on these darn school computers! i can listen to music without bringing cd's and whatnot! =) beautiful!

i thought i'd be fine in 5th without music, but there is soo extra boring without music. therefore, praise God for music! =D

so i have theatre class later. i dunno what the heck i'm gonna do cuz i forgot my prop for my performance/story thingy at home.

i need shoe cleaners. my white dunks are dirty!! =/ its only like what.. my 3rd or 4th time wearing them since i got them like 3 months ago?!

so i was trying to find a picture of the shoes i'm wearing and ended up at the nike site and mannn. i want some shoes homie!! haha.

k i think i should go now. do some english homework with the left over time i have left and listen to some unknown artists on pure volume. =)

new layout

figured that green doesnt suit the season so i toned down the colors. i kinda fixed it up cuz it was too plain. it might be a little over done but oh well. haha.

yep. procrastinating on spanish homework is great. haha.

praise God that there's no school on tuesday. one day that i'll be guaranteed to sleep in!!

lose yourself

my friend, lani, mentioned something about how "we always lose our way". seems true enough. but nonetheless, we usually will always find a way back if we're with God.

Madea's Class Reunion was outrageously entertaining. lots of stories about people finding their way back in life with God. i love it.

someone get me tyler perry's stuff for xmas.. hahaha. kidding. dont do that! cuz then i'd have to give you something and i'm broke and it aint no joke!

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
"lose yourself - eminem"

everything unchanged by human actions and technology.. emotions, thoughts, special moments, conversations.. they are only once-in-a-lifetime things. yes, we are able to keep track of those things, but we are only left with memories and the longing to relive those wonderful times we've spent with friends, family, strangers..

life is like music. it may take forever to finish or create, but in the end, it's worth all the trouble. living is like creating music because time, effort, and passion, and love are key elements. watching others live their lives is like listenting to music because you're moved by what you hear, impressed with what you see, and need to listen/experience it over and over in order to fully grasp the message under the surface. so you better lose yourself in the music.

lose yourselif in life. it's short. as sister mary said earlier this evening, "our life, under the light of eternity, are short." or something like that.

but dont lose yourself in the things that come with life such as problems, drama, drugs, alcohol, sex.. lose yourself in God. life is worth living when you're living for someone like Him.

do i make sense? maybe i'm just delirious. who knows.

friends

i still question the relationships i have with people and how much we really know each other.

with this blog, people can easily infer things about me, about how i think, about what i feel about certain topics, but i dont think anyone will ever get to know the real me.. whoever that may be.

i figured that despite the fact that i've known people for so many years, shared so many secrets with them, and have the best memories with them, i only assume all the things i "know" about them. with all the inside jokes, with all the laughter and all the tears, there is not much i can say about the people i've known for quite some time now. but it's not like i haven't fallen in love with each of them as a friend.. because i have. and i can truly say that i will always try to be there for them.

as distant as i may be when i am with friends [or vice versa], even though i do not always feel as if i belong, i know that i will never be a complete outcast.

praise God.

1am post

its 1am. =) and i'm still awake. i'm glad i took that shower at 11pm. really helped me out to stay awake this far.

so i took a 1 hour nap earlier. may not seem like much but man it helped me! haha.

so i can kinda put pressure with my thumb. =D haha. so how did i mess it up? remember how i mentioned i got a flash drive? well i was trying to connect the key ring thingy to the flash drive. and it wouldnt go and it slipped off the flash drive and into the side of my finger (between the nail and the skin). and my nails are long right now and so i had to rush and cut the nail of my left thumb short while all this blood was spewing out. then i washed it and yeah! haha. like part of my hand is sore cuz of it--most especially my thumb. it took me like 5 minutes to put on my pants this morning cuz i couldn't use my thumb!! haha. praise God for thumbs! *smiles and gives a thumbs up!*

okay i gotta get to math hw. byee!

roca de orgullo

i'm standing on the top of pride rock--not the one from lion king! figuratively speaking, i meant that i'm just full of it. "it" being pride and not.. haha whatever

what establishes pride? where did we inherit pride from? how would one 'swallow pride'? how do you know if you're humble [cuz if you finally realize that you are and you're happy and gloat about it, then you're being prideful!]? someone please answer me..

english is really getting to me.. gahh.

everyone is sick in one way or another.. physically, spiritually, emotionally.. blech. i'm almost there. =/

what am i doing tonight? homework free.. kind of. just need to memorize some lines for my spanish oral presentation.

confirmation 1 is great. =)

ohh! and my parents bought me a flash drive today. =)

ohh! and if you didnt know, i got a haircut like a week and a half ago. haha k byee.

=D i've missed you!!! <33

2 hours and 10 minutes later..

x G e e P s x : sojourn sounds like a female dashboard
x G e e P s x : it makes me wanna yell
x G e e P s x : you are soo dashboard
x G e e P s x : im inspired

hahah! =)

gusto kong..

..matutong magdrive
(kahit na wala akong kotse)
gusto kong matutong magdrive
(kahit na walang lisensya)
- Eraserheads "Overdrive"

driving. it's been a hot topic in my household. my parents are allowing me to get my permit and stuff soon. they've even planned to get me a second hand Civic already. not only that, but they've planned on getting it repainted and stuff too.

man. i'm an expensive child. so expensive that i felt guilty about just wanting an acura TL [click] or a BMW M3 [click]. oh, hey, the acura exterior may look ugly but i'd really like the interior of the stick shift sedan. and the M3 is just hot.

Watching the sunset, sunset, sunset, sunset..
- Powderfinger "Sunsets"

driving west as the sun is setting = annoying. going home from spirit games was like that. although at times i teared due to the brightness, i stared at the sun more than half the drive back home. I couldn't help but sit in awe of the beauty which laid before my eyes.

many say that sunrises are better than sunsets because they mark the beginning of a new day, giving rays of hope to the hopeless, enlightening the lives living in the dark. whereas sunsets mark the end of the day, introducing the evening and the darkness it brings. i enjoy both. maybe i'd enjoy the sunrise better if i were ever awake to see it.. but anyway.. i would share my thoughts on why, but i'd rather not. i'd like to let it simmer in my head for a while.

--interuption: the sun is out!! yess! gahh. tired of the gloomy rain! made the day worse.

the laughs

i can laugh all day. i can crack jokes all day. i can try and make people laugh all day.

but i wonder.. if all that effort, all that energy spent, was worth it.. because i know that at the end of the day, by the time everyone gets back and hides behind a computer screen where it'd be useless to lie to the world about your true emotions.. many of the people i've shared laughs with, cracked jokes with, and had one of the funniest days of my life with are just not happy.

+EDIT+ 30 minutes later..
it seems that rain has come around.

summer is over and it ended too quickly.

i spent a good amount of time outside just now. staring up as a few raindrops fell, i felt a familiar stream trickle down the side of my face. as the vision of the night sky began to blur, i wondered why on earth did i feel so burdened when in all actuality, i have nothing to stress about.

is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of me?

time management

i hate school with a passion.. but ferrealz tho, that line's not a joke.

i managed my time this weekend. or at least i think so. spirit games and prayer meeting took up all day yesterday, but that was expected already. and even tho i was out of the house half of the day with my family, i got a bunch of homework done in like the last 3 hours, but i still have to do more. [specifically, 30 pages of outlining for env. sci.]

i'm hoping to help out with confirmation 1 with gp and jo. but i dunno if my parents will let me.

i think i'm helping out with Renew this season, but there shouldn't be much of a schedule conflict or anything cuz as far as i know, the times for that are during prayer meetings.

i'm a santa monica college student... haha. well not really, but i'm taking a personal development class that's being offered by them at my school. i wanna try and get another class, theatre, but i dunno if its too late to sign up cuz the classes start this week. and plus i dont wanna overburden myself with more homework. i'm already having a kinda hard time as it is.

hmm.. i should find out where the classes are being held.. haha.

k i gotta get started on that outline.

spirit games '05!!

praise God for the successful outcome! =)

i got dragged in grass which had chalk on it. i kinda got wet with some not-so-clean water. i sweated like mug. bugs bit me [but i dont have signs of those nasty "bug bites" yet]. i feel like i got sunburnt on the nose. i got a sunglasses tan.
but it was all worth it!! =D

i love my family. =) that means i love you! cuz through Christ, you're part of my family!!! =D

good job on the talk, cheska!

fantabulous props to the spirit games comittee and most especially the heads: gene, jon, courtney!!

great praise&worship-ing, LF and especially the worship leaders: andrew, nette, and cheska!

unmentioned but should've-been-mentioned moments

haha. k, i'm sitting here trying to do my observation paper for english and i think i actually know how to do this one. i just need to support it properly or whatever. anyway, that's not the point. i was thinking about it and i dont know how, but a whole bunch of stuff that i've been meaning to blog about just popped into my head.

#1
okay so like before the program started for lindsay's debut, the photographers wanted her to take pictures with the court and whatnot after she took solo shots. haha so we went on this field and it was MUDDY LIKE HECK! dude, i am not exaggerating! i was wearing like what.. 3-4 inch, butt-skinny, gold stilettos and with my fat self, the heels of my shoes started sinking into the mud. we decided to take a funny picture and jolly wanted to carry a guy, which ended up being oswynn. so she carried oswynn and then when he got off, he kicked the side of the bottom of my dress and mannn that was soo not cool. haha. we took pictures on cemented ground and oswynn ran inside to get tissue. he comes back when the guys are taking solo shots with lindsay and he tries to wipe the mud off. then andrew comes out of no where with some tissue oswynn brought and picks up my foot and starts cleaning off the heels of my shoes. i hear jolly and melissa say something like "damn. she got boys waiting on her, hand and foot!" or something like that. and then i smiled and said to myself, "deng... i love these LF boys! =D" hahaha!

#2
we were training for LSS. it was like a week before and we had a meeting. it was very emotional and i was hella crying man. people were hugging me and stuff and i just kept crying. then don hugged me from behind and then he wipes the tears off my face [which was kinda useless cuz it made me cry more] and it was so sweet of him to do that!

#3
this won't be a long one, cuz this guy does it so often so i cant really recall a specific occasion to tell this one. but gene is one cool guy. why? cuz he opens the doors for you when you ride in his car!! haha. so gentlemanly.. you dont find that in a lot of guys!

#4
[i dunno if i mentioned this one yet, but if i did, just skip it!] i was shopping for a dress in LA with lindsay and gene and andrew came. i was taking a long time.. changing, trying on clothes, bargaining.. haha. this lady comes up and says something like, "wow! you boys have a lot of patience to be here. you dont see many guys waiting around like you!" haha.

#5
geeps is just crazee. haha. he drives me around everywhere and we scream in his cars and make up stupid songs about people which we use to seranade them with. hahaha!

#6
lets talk about some LF ladies, shall we? haha.. wait, there's too much to say! but i love you all cuz you are my family even if you didnt like anyone in my family or none of my family members liked you romantically.. hahaha. i have soooo many memories with y'all that it's impossible to pick out one to blog about! haha. how bout you blog one for me? =D complete the sentence: "remember when.." =P

#7
off to the cool kids of school we go! =D haha! ladies, you guys are an awesome bunch, you know that? you guys continue to inspire me to work harder and whatnot and be someone who's so much better off. i'm sorry i cant always be there for you, but you guys are family too. although i've never really met any of your family members and i'm sure you havent met mine, we've been there for each other, especially for the little things like homework, and i'd like to say thanks!!! and i promise that i will always at least try to be there for you if you need me, so just hollah at yo girl!

#8
wait back to oswynn! haha. cuz we were at the renew meeting to be trained as facilitators and i drank coffee. and we were just talking about coffee and school and whatever and when he got up, he got me a cup of water. haha. i mean its not much, but its sweet. hahaha.

haha okay this is long. i gotta get back to my paper.

poot!

that's the sound you'd hear if a boba came out of your nose.. haha! or at least thats what i proposed on January 10, 2004 after the Santo Nino event while at tapicoa express. haha. and "big itch" was a popular term back then too. hahah. man i was stupid!! haha heck i still am! =D

my spansh teacher, whom i just had 3rd, is my sub for 5th. that's 4 hours with one teacher. haha. so i figured i might as well do spanish homework while she's here to help.. haha.

i was gonna start on my english hw.. the crq's, SOAPSTone, and the observation paper.. etc. but i realized i left all my english stuff at home so i cant work with anything.

i got my first observation paper back. haha. i was suppose to write about the diction, denotation and connotation and whatnot.. haha. but i didnt know i was. haha. but i still got credit and the teacher said that what i wrote was way beyond and totally off of what was being asked. haha.

been crackin my knuckles a lot. starting to wonder how much damage this is really gonna cause my hands when i'm old. haha.

k i gotta get started on some hw and maybe take a nap or something. =)

Sojourn

click the "Purevolume" link on the right and you can hear how the song turned out. lyrics are here.

and hey, it might be crappy.. if you really listen, you'll hear that some harmonies are flat, some are sharp, some parts sound distorted cuz i was too loud, at one point i think i breathe into the mic.. but you know what? i'm pretty darn proud of what i already made.

as the summer nights die away,
i can say i had the time of my life.

until next year, summer.. farewell.

Praise God.

+EDIT+
from 2:25 point of the song until the end has probably got to be one of my best work.. i know i sound all conceited but dude, recording the melody, harmonies, the melody and incorporating it with guitar playing is not an easy thing for an amature!!

randomness in 5th

i am so sleepy. its weird how i can never really sleep in front of a computer. now matter how tired or sleepy i am, i'm still awake if i'm in front of a computer.

its sad how i cant say that when i'm in front of a teacher or during class cuz man.. i be fallin asleep in classes like crazee sometimes.

i'm probably gonna end up visiting ucsc and ucb and san fransisco. i've discussed it with my parents and they know that $275 [that's with hotel fee, air fare, and bus fare] for a trip is too good of a deal to put off. and besides, it has an educational purpose. hopefully i get to go.

i'm gonna go get my councelor to sign the forms for afterschool classes afterschool. i just hope my dad waits for me.

ouch. i just cracked all my knuckles in a weird, loud, and kinda painful way. i should really stop cuz i'm gonna get really bad arthritis when i grow old.. and that would bite cuz then i wouldn't be able to play guitar nicely.

oh, so i finished the song i've been working on for the past month or so. i have yet to designate a title for it. some potential titles: "an impermanent situation", "sojourn", "dying summer". i think i'm gonna have some free time later so i might be able to record it and post it up on myspace or purevolume or something.

i think i should go and take a quick nap in this class so that i dont fall asleep in history. haha. good bye.

end of the school day

so its like 2:45 right now. a couple more minutes and i'm out. yipee.

i did some of my english homework while in this computer class. now, i gotta take care of math, some more env. sci hw, and other english hw.. gahh.

so i dont think i'm gonna drop environmental science anymore. i have no other class to replace it with and if i do change it, my schedule might get all jacked up. plus, i'm kinda enjoying the class.. i've made friends. haha.

k i gotta go shut down the computer. haha k bye.

SSR

Sustained Silent Reading.. haha.

i have to read for around 20 minutes during 5th period [intro to comp]. i decided to read my old blog entries from my blurty. haha man those were the days..

i'm listening to yellowcard and it reminds me a lot of last summer.

oh, how i miss summer! haha. gosh darn it..

so i think i should so some type of homework while i'm in this class. maybe current events for history which isn't due til later? maybe type up some stuff for english or whatnot. who knows.. haha.

i bet ya i'll end up online window shopping or something. haha. ttyl.

2hours

i just spent about 2 hours trying to figure out what was wrong with my computer/internet. i discovered it was the router. i now have internet again.

it would've been weird to not have the internet for a day. its an important thing in my life.. ha.

elsewhere

i had a talk with my parents today. yepp.

cousins and their kids stopped by after they came from disneyland. man, i missed those people.

i'm probably gonna end up taking driver's ed soon.. i dont think i'm going to philippines this christmas. =/

prayer meeting was kinda empty until everyone came after. it was odd to see like half the youth missing.

i've never felt so distant.

byee.

booty.

i forgot my greeters ministry folder.. =/

4 minutes til the bell rings then i'm heading out to 6th period. *sarcastically* history.. wahoo..

so i spent like a good 20 minutes looking at clothes on the hollister and abercrombie and fitch sites. good stuff. clearance is up, but they're still not cheap.

the girl in front of me is myspaceing. i'm jealous cuz myspace has been blocked from my computer and i dunno how the hell she's on it.. haha. oh well.

i should get off now and stop the cd and clean up my ear phones.. its all i do in class. spend like 10 minutes working and the rest is surfing and the teacher is cool with it. haha. k off i go! byee!

emily rose.. =)

finished!!

with what? my spanish personal page thingy for my spanish notebook. =)

i have one part of english to do and its to talk about tone and its kinda hard for me cuz the teacher didnt really give much instruction. "write about the tone." haha.

i should sleep. my dad's gonna wake up for work soon and if he sees that i'm up, he gonna get madddd.

hahaha. i'm delirious! whomp whomp whomp. i'm scared i might fall asleep during 6th.. oh well! just dont get caught, right? haha man.. i have a bad school mentality. k byee!

much needed

5th period is a much needed class for me. at the end of the day, i'm here and i can relax. i'm listening to my own cds, i'm blogging, i'm ahead, and i still do my work. great stuff.

i lost 10 easy points in spanish cuz i didnt bring a spanish/english dictionary. it hella pissed me off.

4th period, english, is starting to get a little more complex. i'm okay with it. complexity can be good.. like change.. [sarcastically] ha!

its like the 3rd day of school and i've taken like so many quizes and whatnot already.

i dont think i'm gonna be able to change my classes. we'll see.. depending on what happens afterschool. if not, then i'm glad i get to keep this class cuz it really gives me a break and takes me away from all the madness of school even tho i'm still in school. it feels good.

i should get back to typing the numbers... ha.