unheard

i'm the type to dwell in the darkness, in the shadows, and then do/say something really random to get noticed. i act stupid and crack the lamest jokes to get attention. i constantly crave attention. why? who knows. but despite it all, i hardly get any.

its quite sad, really. i really do have a lot to say. so much that i dont even want to say any of it because i'm gonna drive people away with my insane theories, complicated words, and emo spiels. i have so much to tell the world, but i wont. no one's gonna be there to listen.

i know God will listen tho, but he already knows what's on my mind so its kinda useless to repeat it over and over. and its not like he'd really care if i ask something stupid like, "what if eyes were in our armpits?" he'd probably be like: "haha. ronneza you're stupid! i made you the way you are so dont bring up ifs or buts! but i still love you.."

see.. that was suppose to be somewhat funny, but i bet you it wasnt..

i'm an attention freek. i bet you its why i vent in this damn blog so often. i want to be heard, seen, felt, acknowledged.. its probably why i take on so much too.

'too much on my plate'. you've heard that expression more than three times in my posts. but i ask for it. to keep myself busy means less time to think about personal stuff... or at least i thought so. turned out the other way around. the more i keep myself busy, the more i think about personal stuff.

why am i in charge of music ministry again?! geesh. all the worship leaders were equally assigned the jobs noel did when he was here.. i'm just here to make sure that people get it done and get it done on time. i was only suppose to be in charge of the instrumentalists but its not like they need me cuz basically everyone has their own style and ignores my advice. i mean what do i know about instruments?! i dont even read notes, for crying out loud. then when i try to run things, i get stepped on and next thing you know, practice is being ran by leo. i'm not needed for this ministry but i might as well do it cuz no one else will. and plus no one knows how to do all the technical stuff like set up. that's all i'm really good for.

i'm saying it now.. there's about to be a can of whoop-drama that's bout to be unleashed up in here.

i blog too much. screw blogging.. hardly anyone reads this and if they do, its not like most of them bother to say "oh i read your blog.. keep writing.." usually its, "oh i read your blog.."

dont take your anger out on others.. <--ha. i think its a little late for that..