dance

i wanna dance. ballroom, hip hop, cultural flipino folk dances.. i wanna do it all but without any real reason. i just want to dance. i dont mind dancing for events like debuts and whatnots, but i want to dance with people for no reason at all. and when i say dance, i dont mean freak dance.. that's just.. not for me.
i wanna dance like how i sing/play guitar/play any instrument. freely. trying to be good but not really caring if i do or dont. doing it for fun. doing it for God. to be able to bond with people. to learn. to express myself..whoever i am.

the nice guys and the nice girls are everywhere. but so are the mean ones. its hard to see what kind of people really are because everyone tries to be something they're not just so they can fit in. the mean ones aren't really mean ones, but they are because no one pays enough attention to the nice ones. the nice ones snap once in a while because they've spent forever being nice that it goes on unnoticed.

why do we desire something we know we shouldnt want? is it to know that a challenge is upon you if you do decide to attempt to achieve the impossible? is it to feel the adrenalin, to have the rebelish feeling and to be able to say, "i'm bad!"? is it all just to feel pleasure, to be praised, or to be acknowledged by those who dont notice us? i mean really.. what is it that attracts us to the opposite of what we should want?

what is it that doesnt attract us to what we should want, anyway? we know there's the nice guys and the nice girls, but we end up saying, "they're not for me.." or "they deserve better than me.." we're all equal. we all are composed of the same things, we often feel the same feelings, we all are a part of the body of Christ. what gives another the right to say that we're higher than someone else and say "they're not for me."? what gives one the right to lower themselves and say "they deserve better than me."?
maybe its the fact that they ARE the one for you, and that they DO deserve you that scares us. knowing that the possiblities of having that chance to have something with someone so similar to us is so huge scares us. we're afraid to get hurt.

in the process of trying to prevent oneself to get hurt, the pain is unintentionally.. thrown?.. towards others. it really sucks. i should know..

i dunno where all this is coming from.

something makes me feel like i should've done something more productive today like summer homework. haha.

teaching ministry meeting at 6pm later. that should be fun and productive.

its 3am. i should sleep before i end up sleeping all day then staying up really late doing nothing tomorrow. boo.