Sneaking out

Yeah. I've done did it. Out my window and into the backyard. (And if you're reading, and if you look at my timestamp, and if you saw me an hour ago, then I hope you put the puzzle together and realize that I was with you--if that makes any sense at all).

I need help. I don't know what to do. I believe I have great control over my anger, because in a sense, I can manage it just fine. Meaning that I don't go blowing out my anger on people, yelling at some random strangers, throwing whatever I can get in my hands at people I dislike... I can keep my cool. But I feel like its really really really unhealthy of me to "stay chill" when deep inside, I know that I'm irritated and want to scream to the world how I feel.

But the only reason why I hold it in is because whats the use in letting it out and having it seen by others? What's the use in blowing up in front of someone I love and don't want to hurt? What's the use in letting my anger out, knowing that it'll only lead to drama, misfortune and tension between me and whoever I blow up on? Then again, what's the use in being angry at all? I don't understand how anger works. If you repress it, it's "unhealthy". If you let it do its thing, then it'll just wreak havoc. If you pray not to get angry, you're patience is just extended, yet so many things test it that you're practically bound to get angry.

There's a lot of things I'm greatful for. But there's a lot of things I still question.

I still have to do the "nez thing".

Lord, help me.