trick or treat!

my trick-or-treating route

dunno how many miles that is. but yeah, if you cant see it, IM me and i'll send it to you! i'm surprised my brother kept up with me. =) i've missed walking. it felt nice to walk around at night.

what else happened. ohh! two ladies thought i was my brother's mom. yuckkk. =/ is that how girls are viewed now? you see a teenage girl walking around with a kid and the kid is automatically assumed to be the child of the girl. weird..

i'm tired. i need rest. hehe. tomorrow's gonna be a long day.

olvera street for the spanish field trip. then maybe the DMV after some studying. then mass. =) more walking to do. haha.

halloween

last year <33

that was my lola lucy's 92nd birthday. today, she's 93. happy birthday, lola!

i need my spiderman (andrew, my nephew), my chinese girl (arianne, my neice; andrew's older sister), and my tinkerbell (sabrina, my neice) and a camera. i'll be set for halloween.

the best part about halloween is that its the one time of the year that you can either show your true self or hide even more of you through your costume and get free stuff, like candy, while doing so.

man. it feels so late its only 7pm.

better together

andrew neil <33 =)

funeral's tomorrow. another early morning. but its okay cuz i get to spend it with my family. =)

i learned jack johnson's "better together" today. =) i'm surprised that its a fairly easy song. i'd like it even more if my voice fit the key of the song. haha. but its a cool song. i need to learn how to sing it right tho.

i'm gonna go play some video games with my bro on his game cube, maybe chat a bit [if everyone gets off their away messages] and then knock out. ohhh! and do my toes somewhere in between those things. haha. k lates!

ghetto

aye, yo. my ghetto family gots some issuesss. aiight, so here's how it goes..

so my lola be dead, right? she be havin her funeral on saturday and she an awesome Catholic. her son, my uncle, be havin her funeral held at cypress' Forest Lawn and the so called mass aint even no mass. my auntie be callin him and his wife anti-christs. my auntie's daughter, my cousin, be sayin that if they were anti-christ, why are they so proud of their second son going to daily mass. my other relatives be like, aye yo, you gotta get her blessed in the church cuz she was born a Catholic, she lived as a Catholic, and she best be dyin in a Catholic way. and its weird cuz the people who be sayin that got soo much pride in 'em that you see it in the kids. my nephew be walkin around spillin drinks cuz he has so much pride that he dont wanna be seen drinking a bottle still--even tho he only 3 years old. but ferrealz tho, despite all that, i love how they be emphasizing on bringing my lola to a Catholic church to be blessed.

there be some other stuff and i be over here trippin like i'm some kinda gangsta thug, but i aint. not so much, anyway. just feelin' a lil ghetto.

anyway, i gots me some business to handle so peace out, cuh.

intro to computers

i think i pissed off my computer teacher. ha.

so right now, since its holloween, we're watching the ring. <33 that came out like in 8th grade? or was it 7th? ehh. i just remembered who i watched it with during both the first and the second time. haha. its the only movie that i watched twice in theatres.

anyway, i'm gonna watch this movie cuz i havent seen it since then and i actually did like it. =)

flirt?

what is flirting? is it not giving praise for the purpose of gaining something in return such as approval or attention? or at least somewhere along those lines.. right?

with that being said, is there such a thing as "flirting with friends"?

i personally think so. its how i "play the game"--the friendship game, that is. its how i get close to people because its easy to get to know another through, literally, friendly flirting. friendly flirting breaks the ice while at the same time, forms stupid inside jokes between the two of you. after the ice is broken down, after all the inside jokes, things are then taken to another level where stories are told, emotions are shown, secrets are shared, and trust is established.

thinking about it, that's how a bf/gf relationship goes.. starts off with flirting most of the time, doesn't it? the real good relationships are based on a strong friendship and that friendship is strengthened through the flirting. yeah? i dunno.

anyway, i got back from a play at around 10:30. it was pretty cool--and no, not because there was a pretty cute guy wearing a thong! =P i just wish that my mind isn't so limited. i probably would've understood the play more if i knew more vocabulary and kept up with current events and historical facts. more of a reason for me to do well in school, eh?

i have to study for my AP env sci exam. i must do well on this and try to raise my grade. cuz honestly, that class gets me lazy like whoa. i'm tired of outlining and doing the same routine everyday (copy agenda, quiz, activity, discussion/group work).

well, i'm out. its 11 and i think i should start on some hw cuz i'm sleepy..

caring

let me in on your secrets. let me wipe your tears before they fall. let me hold you as you cry. let me love you as i am, because i love you for who you are. i care for you. and i always will.

its something that happens once you get close to someone. well, not really close, but closer than you were before. get me?

a lot of things happened today and if i didnt know any of the people who went through some odd drama today, i probably would've shrugged it off. but i do. or at least i know them more compared to before. feeling useless is not a wonderful feeling.

i haven't watched like 3 days worth of soap operas. if we're getting out early tomorrow, i think i'm gonna catch up on them..

all the responsibility i've taken on, i'm starting to back out on them. i dunno if its my bad time management, my poor memory, or lack of contact with ministry members/heads, but i haven't gone to any meetings in a while.

my stomach hurts, homies. i think i have an ulcer.

yay for school..

ha! i LOVE school! yuppp. i love it with a hell of a gosh damn passion. >=/

i'm about ready to screw it over right now. my theatre class, my personal development class, my AP classes.. all of it. i swear, i if it weren't too late to drop them, i would. but it is, so i can't. cuz if i do, i'd get a failing mark. but come to think of it.. it's not like i'll get a better grade if i stayed in the classes. ha.

time to get started on the 20 pages journal for theatre. i'm probably gonna have to get up to like 35 pages to make up the paper work i haven't been doing because of the stupid play i cant go to. gahh.

then outline not one, but two freekin chapters of that damn environmental science book.

next comes some spanish homework? ha. best score i'm getting is a B cuz there's no way i'm memorizing that shiznitz.

know what's cool about my 3-year-nephew? he's 3 years old. he can laugh and smile and say the most random crap ever and still be cute, still be laughed at, still get attention, and not have to worry about failing anyone, especially himself. Gosh, i love that boy.

know what's cool about my 5 year old nieces? they'll sing, they'll laugh, they'll talk tagalog, they'll be loud during prayer time.. they'll say things that can make others cry.. they'll do anything without a care in the world--that is, until they get in trouble. i love them.

you know what's amazing? how fast people grow up. yeppp. i can go on forever and a day with all the things i've witnessed. it's sad how i haven't grown up that much yet. i'm immature like hell and i dont think that's ever gonna change; i'm not a big fan of change.

man i need to get off this damn computer. no freekin wonder my eyes are going from bad to worse. ha!

102105; 0629PM

lola lucilla, you will be missed. <33

another one of those bittersweet evenings. same reasons as before, i guess. maybe even sweeter cuz i hung out with some friends before i heard about the tragic news and sped off to cerritos.

i need a ride to santa monica college on sunday. would anyone like to drive me?

gah. i dont know what's going on tomorrow. one thing's for sure: i'll be cleaning because relatives from san diego are going to spend the weekend in my room. gosh, i've missed them.

i should sleep. its going to be yet another long weekend full of extra worries because of my need to find rides.

i swear.. i need AT LEAST a darn permit already!! =/

"i hold onto that thread of hope. always hoping that SOMETHING MAY happen. i've done it before and that turned like sh*t.." -an old friend of mine
please dont mistaken this part of my entry to be about my lola, cuz its not.
its about me. i held onto that thread of hope today, despite the fact that i knew what i wanted wasn't gonna happen. i realzied that i have to act differently this time around. i must act more responsibly for the sake of my well being.

bittersweet memories

"Bittersweet memories that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you need.
And I will always love you. I will always love you."
"i will always love you" by whitney houston

this evening is probably one of the best and worst nights of my life.

afterschool, i come to find my mom in the van, along with my dad and my brother. my mom goes to work at 2 so i figured something was wrong. we stop by the house, grab some food, and head for cerritos. why? my grandma/great aunt is sick and dying.

her condition? well, she's better than yesterday. everyone (except my family--me, my dad, and my mom) thought she was going to pass away. she's at home because our family knows that if she stays in the hospital, they'll just stick a bunch of tubes through her small and bruised-up body which really wont do much except make her suffer more. she cant talk. she can't eat and hasn't eaten for four days now.

know what makes it even sadder? (well, for me at least.) she's turning 93 in a week and a half. october 30th. we're suppose to have a party for her on the 29th, but i dont know if she can wait that long. so here we are, trying to find time in our busy schedules, throwing her a small birthday party every night with a new cake and more family members.

when i saw her today, i froze. she didn't play that big of a role in my life, but she's always been around. it was traumatizing to see her... practically lifeless.. in bed of the home which i've watched her sew, laugh, smile, sing, cook, and do so much more in.

when we left the house afterschool, i thought we were going to be in the hospital. and knowing that there's not much entertainment there, i decided to bring my guitar. my mom said that my grandma/great aunt really likes music. today, they asked me to play "happy birthday" 2-3 times as well as some other songs as a slide show of the last 20-25 years of her life played on the tv. my dad told me to stop playing for a while because maybe she wanted to rest. i tried, but i couldn't.

i felt like if i stopped playing, she'd stop listening. i felt like if i stopped playing, her heart would have stopped beating. i felt like if i stopped playing, i'd be saying good bye to her. i sat by her bed, playing the song "never gone" by backstreet boys, as tears rolled down my face. i looked down, pulled my baseball cap over my eyes, and kept playing.. gradually slowing down until my hands started to tremble. i ran to the bathroom and cried.

yes, it was a good cry, but it was not one i needed.

my cousins arrived from work. one of them asked my brother and i to go up to his room. we played xbox and i was admiring his new 24-inch computer screen and $1000-8 megapixel-digital camera. later on, family friends arrived. i bonded with the kids; one was a junior, the other in 7th grade. a while later, my other cousins arrived; one just moved from philippines a few months ago and the other is married and brought her husband and kids; one a freshman and the other in kindergarten. we laughed and joked around. we sang kareoke and talked about school and college. we bonded.

my mom's side is the rich side. the cousin who bought the 24-inch computer screen is a computer science graduate from UCI and makes like $55,000 a year; his fiance also graduated from UCI (they met while practicing for their PCN like 6 years ago??) and she majored in engineering and makes like $60,000-$62,000 a year. his younger brother majored in economics from UCSD last year. my cousin who's married and has two kids is a nurse and got a new cell phone a few months after she got a new lexus mini-SUV last year. her husband just bought their freshman daughter an ipod nano with engraving. he bought himself a new, $1,200 17-inch laptop AND one for his daughter six months ago. crazee family, eh? they're people who motivate me to want to do well in school and get that damn m3 or m6. ha.

i will always love all of you. especially you, lola lucy.

"and i want to know..

..what makes your world go round.
and i want to hear
your voice for the sound.
a love that defines all i've had in mind
now i'm holding back nothing
for the look in your eyes."
"the look" by ryan tedder

honestly, i do want to know.

i'm a seasonal girl. ha! its horrible but it makes my life more.. complicated? no, that's not the word. exciting? yeahh, that's it. its horrible but it makes my life more exciting.

wouldn't you consider me as a cool, fly girl or something? cute? nehh. scratch that one.. but i have a good and funny personality and i'm pretty "down to earth", right?

haha.. i'm smiling my butt off right now.

yesterday was one of those days when i..
..wanted it to rain but it didnt.
..was confused--yet again!
..was tired and slept early.
..myspaced. <33
..felt girly and tried on the dresses in my closet.
..wanted to spend money on.. mwahaha. secret!
..want to be asked.. mwahaha. secret, again!
..thought too much.
..enjoyed being with strangers or people i dont know that well.

mystery. jokes. sarcasm. smiles. music. sports. most especially, FAITH. they're must-haves. =)

cry

i have this weird mentality that after one good cry, i'll get over whatever i have to get over. with that one cry, i'll hit that bottom and find my way back up. with that one cry, i'll let whatever is bothering me go and i'll be fine. i shouldn't have that mentality.

i will do homework and sleep before midnight tonight.

buy me a piano. or a keyboard with full sets of keys. i want to play and learn.

*sigh*. the things i do when it comes to boys. interesting stuff, i tell ya.

two worlds to one

i come from a different world compared with you. you and i will never be exactly alike. we will never have the same thoughts, the same feelings, the same opinion, the same everything at the same time. we're from two different worlds. i will never know the real you. you will never know the real me.

but you know what? no matter what happens, we'll always have that connection. we're always gonna be able to talk. same place. same time. always.

there's so much to say. but i can't. i'm going crazy.

ehh?

gahh. i told myself that i would do homework. ALL of it. i will not slack off. i CANT slack off. not now. not ever. not this time.

but here i am. blogging. about what? hanging out.

i think it's almost near impossible for a teenager to just hang out without spending at least a dollar. think about it: just getting to the place where you want to hang out at wastes like.. half a gallon of gas because you want to get out of town. that's like $1.50 man.

deng it. i'm stressed out about being too relaxed. i hate my habits.

i'm tired. i didnt sleep. the lightning, thunder, and hard rain scared the heck out of me. weird? yeah, i thought so too. i slept on the lazyboy in my parent's room and everytime i moved, i was scared i'd wake them up. plus, there wasn't much space to move around in. i woke up with a sore neck. i hate rain but i love fall/winter.. they're seasons where everyone wears layers and it makes it impossible for people to see how fat you really are.

notes

i'm taking notes in my intro to computer class. man i'm bored.

whoooaaaa. it just started raining like crazee right now. this is insane. it was kinda sunny just during lunch. ha.

must pray for the drivers driving in the rain.

deng this rain. it's really pouring and stuff right now. makes me wonder if there's a rainbow outside cuz the sky looks pretty light considering that its raining. also, i wanna walk out or run in the rain.

and maybe chill under the lamp post... hah! <33

damn this is a whack class. ha. i mean not the people or anything and i dont want to offend anyone but seriously..

makes me wonder what i should take next semester. ha. maybe film? i'd love that a LOT more than this. but i need some tech art. gahh i hate school.

this person..

made:
me laugh. me smile. me think. my night.

is:
spontaneous. intimidating. outgoing. intelligent. experienced. fairly successful and still on the way up. independent. random. pretty stylish. high-maintenace. thinker. analyzer. loud. like me, but not. one of my motivations.

AIDS walk tomorrow/later. must sleep.

"i will try to fix you"

that's my promise. i'll try.

coldplay. heard them one morning on the way to school and decided to try to figure out the drum line or whatever you'd call it. just spent like half an hour doing so. great stuff, drums.

the best songs are those which start out with one instrument and end up with a lot. wouldn't you agree?

"if you keep pretending, then maybe you can fool the world. once you fool the world, then maybe it'll fool you and get your hopes back up." or something of that sort was said on the show "Everwood" last thursday. true or false? i find it to be true. but i'm not exactly all for it. you shouldn't lie to the world, let alone yourself.

driving, soon i will be. safely? maybe. to where? HA! who knows!?! with whom? we'll see.. but i know one thing's for sure: when someone finds out i've driven before and asks me "do you have your permit/license?" i can finally say "YES!" i find it funny that most of my driving experiences have taken place before i was legal to even apply for a permit and how now that i'm eligible to get a permit, i still dont have one.

i'm tired. maybe cuz i slept too long? i slept at 7pm yesterday. 7pm on a friday night. insane, isnt it? didn't wake up til 9am today. and i didnt even wanna get up. only cuz my mom asked me to clean. ha.

k i should go now. byee.

it never ends

love. therefore, suffering will also never end.

who am i to complain? a child of God. should i complain? no. but am i complaining? yes.

secrets. lies. blech. they seem to last fairly long.

if there's one pet peeve i have in the world, it's dishonest and untrustworthy people. i wont hate them. but it makes it difficult for me to love them more.

i think it's why i lack self-confidence. i am dishonest. i am untrustworthy. i am a secret keeper. i am a liar. i am a sinner. to whom? mainly myself. mainly God.

am i okay? physically, yes. emotionally, i'm somewhat unstable. financially, i'm broke. mentally, i think i'm fine. spiritually, i think i'm killing myself. overall...? you be the judge.

weekend. <33 praise God.

blog for jerica! =)

jerica said i havent blogged since "3234234 minutes ago". which is quite impossible cuz i blogged yesterday and there's only 525,600 minutes in a year. haha.

lets watch "rent"!! =D i'm willing to watch it! and i could soo try and make it into a field trip. hahaha.

so guys. i've been spending money. and a lot of money. its outrageous. and i want to spend more money. but hopefully i wont.

knotts has been a hot topic. i was invited by both lfers and friends from school. i was almost gonna decide to go with LFers on friday, but my parents said no and besides, the ticket prices were raised. so i'm not going. but i still want to go!!

aids walk is this sunday. going with a few friends. =) meeting up at 7am in front of the school, and i'm planning to go to mass at 6am. =X hopefully it's not a day with weird weather. i know like 4 organizations involved with aids walk. isn't that cool? anyway, i need money for that so does anyone wanna pledge?

anyway, getting up for mass/aids walk is gonna be hard. after going to prayer meeting the night before.. haha. shoot, i slept early yesterday and i had to be at school at 7:30am today for PSATs, but i didnt leave my house til like 7:28. haha. and i heard that there's no choir at that time so it's gonna be hard for me to keep up.

PSATs made me feel so stupid. haha. man i still feel dumb that its not even funny anymore. i've lost my passion for english. i'm scared like hell for the real SATs. i think its out of 2400 (or is it 2500?) because of the new format; with WRITING.

let me tell ya'll. i can't write anymore. i lost "it". the last nice thing i wrote was one of my fairly recent xanga entry about my spanish teacher and even then, it wasnt that great. =/ i'm scared for the AP testing too.

so with testing, i got my application for a fee waiver for the SATs in december. hopefully i'll do all right. please pray for me!! cuz homie i feel like i'm not getting any smarter.

maybe its the lack of sleep? haven't been sleeping much. i'm trying to cut down on eating cuz the more i eat, the more i have to stay awake cuz sleeping with a full stomach is bad. and besides, i'm pretty fat already.

not that i'm complaining or anything. and its not like i care that much about my physical appearance. i think its more about the money issue for me? i dont wanna shop for new "fat clothes" or whatever. i'm broke as it is.

and so the topic is always about money. *sigh*. i cant believe i'm complaining about my financial status so often while i dont even have a job.. while more than half the people of the world survive with less than an American dollar a day.

America is the fattest country. Texas has the fattest people. California has a "governator". Our president is.. pretty whack. God Bless America..

well, this suffices to kill my randomness/hyperness for the night. oh wait!! there's more!!

yo quierro un coche de stick shift. like.. badly. but i must first, at least, learn how to drive before i get any car. so therefore i must get to studying this darn permit stuff! my goal is to have my permit by the 23rd. i figured halloween would do, but then i realized it'd be a long time and i know i'd lag BIG TIME like how i'm lagging now.

anyawy, jo, the argel's cousin [man i should really learn her whole name], a co-catechist for the confirmation 1 program for room 3, is awesome. =) i like bonding with her! berkeley kids are really something else..

confirmation is great! i love those kids man! <33 i really see a lot in them and i know that even tho they're quiet, they are people willing to learn. =)

okay, i'm tired. THIS should be enough. right jerica? =)

friendships

you know when you have a good friendships when..

.. after years of seeing each other and hardly communicate, you still have that click and can converse long enough to seem like time didn't split you appart.
.. after some odd dilemma, one of you will say sorry to the other for no reason and will end up laughing the rest of the night.
.. you need a ride and they go out of their way to make sure you get to where you're at.
.. you cry or tear or freeze up for hearing and saying the words "i love you."
.. its you can converse through body language (mainly via eyes).
.. someone blogs about it.

i love my friends.
ALL of them. <33

from gene and other people

Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

What's your personality love style?
Here is the analysis: You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

The Real You
Here is the analysis:
- You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
- You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
- You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
- Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
- Your boyfriend thinks that you are a real doll but this is not a totally positive thing. Sometimes you can be a bit too sweet, and come across as being helpless. If you're like this too frequently, your boyfriend and other people are likely to get tired of you having to rely on them all the time.

What type of personality do you have?
Here is the analysis:
Bright and Cheerful
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

[click] <-- damn its addicting..

DOREB

have i ever brought up "doreb"? its gonna be my solo band name after make enough songs to declare as an album. hahaha! =P btw, "doreb" = "bored" spelled backwards

last year for art, i had to make a "cd cover". we could've named it after anything for any band. mine? it was: "doreb: so distant"

i feel like i should "release my album" soon cuz its how i feel.. distant. what i feel sucky about is that it's not just me. if it were just me, i dont think i'd be blogging about it right now.

but honestly, i don't think it's a bad thing at all. maybe good in some way. this could help me grow in some way. dont now exactly which way it is, but i'm sure God has a plan for me.

am i at peace? am i content? am i happy? am i lonely? i'm not so sure. but one thing's for sure: i'm blessed.

praise God!

my learning process

i must be interested and inspired to stick at something and persevere.

therefore, i will not make it through this deng AP english class. hahaha.

i hate writing. just because i can't write when i'm NOT interested and NOT inspired. well, i'm motivated because i do want to receive a good grade, but i'm NOT inspired. cuz when you're inspired, it just comes out of you. like for example, i'm inspired by annoyance right now and so all this stuff is just coming out of me like crazee.

gahh i'm going insane.

save me, please.

+EDIT+
i used up a third of my tissue box after a day. =/ my nose hurts.

100505

one of the longest days of my life.

well, nothing beats lindsay's debut weekend/labor day weekend.. not being home for 22 hours straight without having specific religious or educational obligations.. =)

anyway, i usually dont get tired from a 7:30am-11pm-not-being-home session. but the thing is, i was hella tired today. maybe having 4 classes for one and a half plus hours got to me. i had a field trip and didnt get to go to help out at confirmation. it was a play/dance performance out in east LA. it was pretty awesome. it was mostly interpretation dancing. ended up eating dinner a couple of blocks down and waited like an hour to get quesedillas. =/ we were suppose to get home around 10, but we didnt get our food til then. got home at 11 and here i am.

i cant really put into words what i'm gonna try to explain..

the thing is, i know i belong somewhere, but there are just certain times when i feel like i dont. when it comes to family, the LF community, or just people at school or whatnot, there are those moments when all i can do is stare into space because i feel like i'm in no position to do this, or to say that or whatever. i mean i cant complain, because it's true. i guess i just wonder if i really do "belong". get me? ehh oh well.

i got sick. i have a sore throat, i'm sniffing, i'm sneezing, and i'm cold. well, i've always been sniffing and having stuffy noses, but then it hasnt really gotten to this point in a while. =/

i hate weather changes.

please pray for my spanish teacher who hurt her knee/ankle [probably while salsa dancing]. and for those who were sick, that they may continue to be healed with God's grace. and for those who are getting or who are sick [like me], that God may heal them in body, mind, and spirit. =) thanks!

good night!

tagged; i'm IT

MUSIC TAG
the rules: list five songs that you are currently loving. it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog (xanga). Then tag five other xanga/livejournal friends to see what they're listening to.

1. nina - "foolish heart"
2. foo fighters - "the best of you"
3. hale - "broken sonnet"
4. cueshé - "stay"
5. daphne loves derby - "come winter"
[oh, and this song i found on purevolume earlier: acoustic light - "the light"]

i tag: jon, cheska, lindsay, gene, michelle, jinger, jerica, lani and whoever happens to read this! =)

haha. goshy golly gee. i didnt realize how much i'm into bands and non-famous acoustic artists.

purevolume!!

haha yess. it's great--now that it works on these darn school computers! i can listen to music without bringing cd's and whatnot! =) beautiful!

i thought i'd be fine in 5th without music, but there is soo extra boring without music. therefore, praise God for music! =D

so i have theatre class later. i dunno what the heck i'm gonna do cuz i forgot my prop for my performance/story thingy at home.

i need shoe cleaners. my white dunks are dirty!! =/ its only like what.. my 3rd or 4th time wearing them since i got them like 3 months ago?!

so i was trying to find a picture of the shoes i'm wearing and ended up at the nike site and mannn. i want some shoes homie!! haha.

k i think i should go now. do some english homework with the left over time i have left and listen to some unknown artists on pure volume. =)

new layout

figured that green doesnt suit the season so i toned down the colors. i kinda fixed it up cuz it was too plain. it might be a little over done but oh well. haha.

yep. procrastinating on spanish homework is great. haha.

praise God that there's no school on tuesday. one day that i'll be guaranteed to sleep in!!

lose yourself

my friend, lani, mentioned something about how "we always lose our way". seems true enough. but nonetheless, we usually will always find a way back if we're with God.

Madea's Class Reunion was outrageously entertaining. lots of stories about people finding their way back in life with God. i love it.

someone get me tyler perry's stuff for xmas.. hahaha. kidding. dont do that! cuz then i'd have to give you something and i'm broke and it aint no joke!

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
"lose yourself - eminem"

everything unchanged by human actions and technology.. emotions, thoughts, special moments, conversations.. they are only once-in-a-lifetime things. yes, we are able to keep track of those things, but we are only left with memories and the longing to relive those wonderful times we've spent with friends, family, strangers..

life is like music. it may take forever to finish or create, but in the end, it's worth all the trouble. living is like creating music because time, effort, and passion, and love are key elements. watching others live their lives is like listenting to music because you're moved by what you hear, impressed with what you see, and need to listen/experience it over and over in order to fully grasp the message under the surface. so you better lose yourself in the music.

lose yourselif in life. it's short. as sister mary said earlier this evening, "our life, under the light of eternity, are short." or something like that.

but dont lose yourself in the things that come with life such as problems, drama, drugs, alcohol, sex.. lose yourself in God. life is worth living when you're living for someone like Him.

do i make sense? maybe i'm just delirious. who knows.

friends

i still question the relationships i have with people and how much we really know each other.

with this blog, people can easily infer things about me, about how i think, about what i feel about certain topics, but i dont think anyone will ever get to know the real me.. whoever that may be.

i figured that despite the fact that i've known people for so many years, shared so many secrets with them, and have the best memories with them, i only assume all the things i "know" about them. with all the inside jokes, with all the laughter and all the tears, there is not much i can say about the people i've known for quite some time now. but it's not like i haven't fallen in love with each of them as a friend.. because i have. and i can truly say that i will always try to be there for them.

as distant as i may be when i am with friends [or vice versa], even though i do not always feel as if i belong, i know that i will never be a complete outcast.

praise God.