Growing up

Maybe I've written about this before... But I need to write it again. With the way I'm writing it this time, you'll definitely get to know me a little more. Haha.

Sometimes, I wonder if I've grown up too fast. For sure, I've changed, but in terms of maturity, I really do think I'm on the "grown-up" side.

From 7th grade and down, I've always been a little anti-social. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a loner or anything. I had friends, but right from the get-go, I was already emotional. I had one best friend when I was in kindergarten and in 1st grade, but I had to move schools and didn't really know how to keep in touch with people at the age of 5. When I was in 2nd grade, the best friend I made moved away, and so did my second grade teacher whom I really grew to love because she made me feel loved at my new school. (What makes me sad is that I don't remember her name...) Then my brother was born. I can honestly say that I was a jealous kid (heck, I still am--sometimes!). And I thought I lost my family because everyone was paying attention to him (FYI: i was the spoilled, daddy's girl who had all the attention). When I finally made peace with my brother's presence (in 3rd grade), I also gained a mentality that I never wanted to get close to anyone because they'll end up leaving me. Weird right? Some 3rd grade, 8 year-old, little girl thinking such a thing. But it's true.

Then from 7th grade and up, I've hung out with a lot more older kids. During the summer before my freshman year, I was hanging out with a few high school kids and a bunch of college kids. Yeah, sure, they were my sister's friends, but they treated me like they're age and accepted me as me--not as Richelle's little sister. Over the years, I've taken on a lot more responsibilities concerning church and have learned a lot along the way. I've grown incredibly close with God and discovered new things about myself.

Now, I find myself hanging out with the working class, people who have graduated, trying to get their masters and who are old enough to drink. I find myself lingering in their territory, having intellectual, politically-loaded, spiritually-filled conversations while there are people my age (and a little older, but still under 21) laughing about tv shows, discussing Justin Timberlake's new CD and the latest video games just 10 feet away from me. And some of these 21+ older people whom I've just met don't even realize that I'm only 17 and that I'm still in high school. It doesn't make sense to me sometimes...

Without a doubt, random circumstances like the latter are blessings for me. Without a doubt, compared to the people my age, I feel more relaxed and secure with people who are older than myself. Without a doubt, (and please excuse my language) the past years fu*ked me up good, and I'm greatful for that.

Praise God. =)