So in my 9th grade year, a 9th grade English class had a project which consisted of making a CD. I happend to have gotten my hands on a copy of this CD. It was called "Switching Gears" and each student participated in the making of it by picking out a song which related to them in some way. Though I was not in the class, I still remember this. Why? Because it's such a brilliant idea. It's a time capsule on its own. Some how, despite my not being in the class, I, too, have memories attached to the songs on that CD.
Over and over, I write about how much I've changed. And over and over, I'm caught offguard, amazed by how much change has occurred within my life, within my personality. I've been asked/given new tasks, most of which never even crossed my mind. Who know's if I'm really made to do it? One thing's for sure: I'm definitely open to new and more responsibilities. My new philosophy: If someone is asking me to do something, God must be telling me I'm doing something right because I'm being trusted to do more good and serve in different ways in His name.
Another topic that's always been lingering within my mind are tribulations I've recently experienced and witnessed. (There really is a difference between the two...) I'm currently going through many problems due to my lack of skills in the field of communication. I realized that it correlates to the lack of communication I have with God. And once again, I find myself in miserable, lonely situations because I've not prayed as fervently as before and also have not put my trust in Him.
Anyway, I drove my friend's car today. It's a stick shift. Maybe it's why my subject is switching gears. I'm not the same person as I was yesterday. Who knows if I'm better or worse... but I know that I am changed. And I know that I have grown. And that every night, before I go to sleep, for the rest of my life, I will never be the same person that I woke up to be.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Givens
You shouldn't discern about something which you know is already wrong/bad.
You can't have everything. Scarcity exists.
The opportunity cost of telling someone your secret is having them getting to know you. Believe it or not, it's one of the biggest opportunity costs out there.
When you scream instead of sing, you will definitely mess up your vocal chords and voice.
When you're tired, you should go to sleep.
You can't have everything. Scarcity exists.
The opportunity cost of telling someone your secret is having them getting to know you. Believe it or not, it's one of the biggest opportunity costs out there.
When you scream instead of sing, you will definitely mess up your vocal chords and voice.
When you're tired, you should go to sleep.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I'm a kid
So! About that whole previous post about feeling like and being treated like an adult... don't screw it over or anything, but forget about it for just a second... just for this post.
I lied. I'm a kid. I still play games--just as much as everyone does. I beat around the bush wayy to much. Why? Because I don't know how to discern. I don't know if I should do the things I do because I doubt myself wayyy too much.
I went to a play called "Doubt" a few weeks ago;
"Doubt means engagement with ideas. It means taking on the necessary pain of working your way through life instead of subscribing blindly to received wisdom. It means that knowing life is occasionally about altering course, rethinking and being open to change."
I don't know... the things I do now... I don't know if I should just stop doubting and, like the famous Nike slogan, "Just do it."
It's what I wanted. But it's not what I want. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being up front with you... but how can I, when I don't even know how far you and I stand from each other? I promise... we'll talk.
I lied. I'm a kid. I still play games--just as much as everyone does. I beat around the bush wayy to much. Why? Because I don't know how to discern. I don't know if I should do the things I do because I doubt myself wayyy too much.
I went to a play called "Doubt" a few weeks ago;
"Doubt means engagement with ideas. It means taking on the necessary pain of working your way through life instead of subscribing blindly to received wisdom. It means that knowing life is occasionally about altering course, rethinking and being open to change."
I don't know... the things I do now... I don't know if I should just stop doubting and, like the famous Nike slogan, "Just do it."
It's what I wanted. But it's not what I want. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being up front with you... but how can I, when I don't even know how far you and I stand from each other? I promise... we'll talk.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Growing up
Maybe I've written about this before... But I need to write it again. With the way I'm writing it this time, you'll definitely get to know me a little more. Haha.
Sometimes, I wonder if I've grown up too fast. For sure, I've changed, but in terms of maturity, I really do think I'm on the "grown-up" side.
From 7th grade and down, I've always been a little anti-social. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a loner or anything. I had friends, but right from the get-go, I was already emotional. I had one best friend when I was in kindergarten and in 1st grade, but I had to move schools and didn't really know how to keep in touch with people at the age of 5. When I was in 2nd grade, the best friend I made moved away, and so did my second grade teacher whom I really grew to love because she made me feel loved at my new school. (What makes me sad is that I don't remember her name...) Then my brother was born. I can honestly say that I was a jealous kid (heck, I still am--sometimes!). And I thought I lost my family because everyone was paying attention to him (FYI: i was the spoilled, daddy's girl who had all the attention). When I finally made peace with my brother's presence (in 3rd grade), I also gained a mentality that I never wanted to get close to anyone because they'll end up leaving me. Weird right? Some 3rd grade, 8 year-old, little girl thinking such a thing. But it's true.
Then from 7th grade and up, I've hung out with a lot more older kids. During the summer before my freshman year, I was hanging out with a few high school kids and a bunch of college kids. Yeah, sure, they were my sister's friends, but they treated me like they're age and accepted me as me--not as Richelle's little sister. Over the years, I've taken on a lot more responsibilities concerning church and have learned a lot along the way. I've grown incredibly close with God and discovered new things about myself.
Now, I find myself hanging out with the working class, people who have graduated, trying to get their masters and who are old enough to drink. I find myself lingering in their territory, having intellectual, politically-loaded, spiritually-filled conversations while there are people my age (and a little older, but still under 21) laughing about tv shows, discussing Justin Timberlake's new CD and the latest video games just 10 feet away from me. And some of these 21+ older people whom I've just met don't even realize that I'm only 17 and that I'm still in high school. It doesn't make sense to me sometimes...
Without a doubt, random circumstances like the latter are blessings for me. Without a doubt, compared to the people my age, I feel more relaxed and secure with people who are older than myself. Without a doubt, (and please excuse my language) the past years fu*ked me up good, and I'm greatful for that.
Praise God. =)
Sometimes, I wonder if I've grown up too fast. For sure, I've changed, but in terms of maturity, I really do think I'm on the "grown-up" side.
From 7th grade and down, I've always been a little anti-social. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a loner or anything. I had friends, but right from the get-go, I was already emotional. I had one best friend when I was in kindergarten and in 1st grade, but I had to move schools and didn't really know how to keep in touch with people at the age of 5. When I was in 2nd grade, the best friend I made moved away, and so did my second grade teacher whom I really grew to love because she made me feel loved at my new school. (What makes me sad is that I don't remember her name...) Then my brother was born. I can honestly say that I was a jealous kid (heck, I still am--sometimes!). And I thought I lost my family because everyone was paying attention to him (FYI: i was the spoilled, daddy's girl who had all the attention). When I finally made peace with my brother's presence (in 3rd grade), I also gained a mentality that I never wanted to get close to anyone because they'll end up leaving me. Weird right? Some 3rd grade, 8 year-old, little girl thinking such a thing. But it's true.
Then from 7th grade and up, I've hung out with a lot more older kids. During the summer before my freshman year, I was hanging out with a few high school kids and a bunch of college kids. Yeah, sure, they were my sister's friends, but they treated me like they're age and accepted me as me--not as Richelle's little sister. Over the years, I've taken on a lot more responsibilities concerning church and have learned a lot along the way. I've grown incredibly close with God and discovered new things about myself.
Now, I find myself hanging out with the working class, people who have graduated, trying to get their masters and who are old enough to drink. I find myself lingering in their territory, having intellectual, politically-loaded, spiritually-filled conversations while there are people my age (and a little older, but still under 21) laughing about tv shows, discussing Justin Timberlake's new CD and the latest video games just 10 feet away from me. And some of these 21+ older people whom I've just met don't even realize that I'm only 17 and that I'm still in high school. It doesn't make sense to me sometimes...
Without a doubt, random circumstances like the latter are blessings for me. Without a doubt, compared to the people my age, I feel more relaxed and secure with people who are older than myself. Without a doubt, (and please excuse my language) the past years fu*ked me up good, and I'm greatful for that.
Praise God. =)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Mistakes
"Believe it or not, I was trying to make everything better. I know you're angry but I hope you'll forgive me. It turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing, sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful but they're the only way to find out who we really are. I know who I am now. I know what I want. I got the love of my life. A new heart...Everything's gonna be differen't now. I promise, from here on out, nothing ever's going to be the same. I love you. Bye."
- Denny Duckette (Grey's Anatomy)
We start from the ground. You don't construct a building from the top to the bottom; you start with from the bottion and build a foundation--a firm foundation. The same goes for everything else in life. A relationship starts from practically scratch and its on you to be able to build a foundation strong enough to withstand all sorts of diasters aiming for it. A club--like Maharlika--has to start from the bottom and build its way up.
We're making mistakes but its part of the process. It's how we learn. We have to fall before we get up. We're falling. And falling. But I know that one day, we'll be able to get up and reach things we've never done before. I believe.
=)
- Denny Duckette (Grey's Anatomy)
We start from the ground. You don't construct a building from the top to the bottom; you start with from the bottion and build a foundation--a firm foundation. The same goes for everything else in life. A relationship starts from practically scratch and its on you to be able to build a foundation strong enough to withstand all sorts of diasters aiming for it. A club--like Maharlika--has to start from the bottom and build its way up.
We're making mistakes but its part of the process. It's how we learn. We have to fall before we get up. We're falling. And falling. But I know that one day, we'll be able to get up and reach things we've never done before. I believe.
=)
Monday, October 09, 2006
It's about...
It's about strength and the courage to do right over wrong. To do good over bad. To reconcile instead of avoiding them. It's about love, hope and faith. How much do you have of each for others? For God? For yourself?
Can a good person go to heaven? Can a good person, without Christ, go to heaven?
I'm the type of person who needs structure. I need a sense of organization, a sense of order. I don't know what I'd do without it. But strangely enough, I'm probably the most disorganized and disoriented in my family... I'm probably the laziest, most ambitious person you'll ever come to meet. The even stranger part: I don't want to be this person. Don't get me wrong--being on track and on the ball is something I'd rather have than havoc, but I need to get out of the routine. I need to see and experience new things. I need more.
Or do I want more? It's so hard to differentiate between my desires and my necessities.
So many doubts. So many options. So many things...
I'm ready. For applications. For stress. For college. If not, then I will be. I have to keep telling myself this. Please, remind me that I'm not alone and that I'll be all right.
Can a good person go to heaven? Can a good person, without Christ, go to heaven?
I'm the type of person who needs structure. I need a sense of organization, a sense of order. I don't know what I'd do without it. But strangely enough, I'm probably the most disorganized and disoriented in my family... I'm probably the laziest, most ambitious person you'll ever come to meet. The even stranger part: I don't want to be this person. Don't get me wrong--being on track and on the ball is something I'd rather have than havoc, but I need to get out of the routine. I need to see and experience new things. I need more.
Or do I want more? It's so hard to differentiate between my desires and my necessities.
So many doubts. So many options. So many things...
I'm ready. For applications. For stress. For college. If not, then I will be. I have to keep telling myself this. Please, remind me that I'm not alone and that I'll be all right.
Friday, October 06, 2006
It's not about that...
"When you say that you love 'em
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars (You can have it all back)
Flowers, cards and candy (I do it just cause I'm...)"
-Usher
"It doesn't matter
'Bout the car I drive or
The ice around my neck
All that matters
Is that you recognize
That it's just about respect"
-Nsync
I don't know what happened yesterday on the way to church. I didn't realize that it could've possbily been a serious moment which I totally overlooked. There's a part of me that wants to take it seirously.. I mean --- deserves better than --, or at least I'd like to think so.
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars (You can have it all back)
Flowers, cards and candy (I do it just cause I'm...)"
-Usher
"It doesn't matter
'Bout the car I drive or
The ice around my neck
All that matters
Is that you recognize
That it's just about respect"
-Nsync
I don't know what happened yesterday on the way to church. I didn't realize that it could've possbily been a serious moment which I totally overlooked. There's a part of me that wants to take it seirously.. I mean --- deserves better than --, or at least I'd like to think so.
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