aaand... BREAK!

God,
in a lot of different ways,
told me to rest tomorrow.
And so I think I will.

I know I do a lot of things, but I've always thought that although my plate is full, I'll never be full. I felt like I'll never be satisfied with what I have. I'd always want more than I can handle, more than I should have, more of what I didn't have before. And now that I have what I wanted, now that I have things in my grasp, on my plate, I don't know what to do. I know for a fact that I can't finish what I've started--at least not on my own.

I need my parents. I need them to look after me, eat the little leftovers, pick up the crumbs... It's what they've always done, but for some reason, I thought I don't need that anymore. But I do. Now more than ever.

I need my friends, my faith and those that I'm serving. I need to know that pick up the right food to eat, that I'm emotionally, mentally and spiritually feeding myself properly. I need someone to eat with, converse with and rely on to help me up when I'm too full of it that I can't even bring myself up. I need them to remind me that there are other places to eat at and other people who are starving. I need them to tell me that I can't have everything that I want.

Tonight, I've gotten what I need. My eyes have been opened. Tonight, I refuse to sit at the table and watch my health deteriorate. I'm getting up. I'm leaving. I'm walking away from the table. For now.

But I'll be back. With a better control over my diet and desires. With a smaller plate that I'll be able to carry. With less food that I know I'll be able to finish on my own. I'll be back to make everyone who has supported me proud. To prove to the devil that I will no longer be selfish and glutenous. To prove to myself that tonight has changed me forever.

Deng. Weird blog, isn't it?
I don't even know why I decided to make it all long..
All this food analogy crap makes me hungry.
Maybe it's because I didn't eat dinner...

Goodnight!